The Value of Singletasking

Photo by eamoncurry123, via Flickr

I’m a multitasker. Shocking, I know. But it’s true. I’m a make-lunch-while-feeding-baby, scribble-notes-in-grocery-store-checkout-line, do-spiritual-reading-while-nursing, scrapbook-while-watching-TV kind of girl. A girl after Martha’s own heart.

Not that I don’t appreciate Mary. I want to be Mary. I crave silence and stillness, yet I always begrudge the time. And the logistics of making it happen keep getting harder. (I never realized how much I depended on respite providers for that…now that Julianna’s in school all day, I can’t call them in to watch kids anymore.)

I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think we’re all more Martha than Mary these days. Too many side trips, too many voices yelling “listen to me!” Texting while driving (or sitting at the stoplight), checking the game while out to dinner–connectedness is a hazard of modern life.

But I’m starting to appreciate single-tasking. These days I spread out the scrapbooking paraphernalia on the floor, and instead of turning on a movie, I leave all the electronics silent. Everything else fades away; I’m giving myself the luxury of a completely nonproductive pastime. It feels less crazed, more like soul food.

Every so often, mindful of the speed at which babies become toddlers, and toddlers preschoolers, I set the book aside and simply stare at Michael while he is attached to the breast. I tickle him, watching the progression of his laugh from the corners of his eyes to the angle of his cheeks to the audible guffaw that vibrates, mouth to breast–and sometimes makes him lose his latch, and tip his head back to grin and say, “Sssthhhsthhh!” I ruffle his hair, play handsies with him, stroke the lengthening line of his body, trying to commit the sensation to memory.

The mornings, here in the early fall, are cool and dark at 5:30 these days, the humidity down, the starscape brilliant. This week I spent a couple of mornings sitting wrapped in a throw on my deck, drinking in the  miraculous beauty, and the way it changes every day. One morning, and only one, a star perched atop a spire of the moon like a freckle. By the next morning it was gone, I don’t even know where. If I hadn’t taken the time when I did, I’d have missed the moment altogether.

I will always be a multitasker. With four kids I have to be–with four kids, a house and other commitments, even more so. But I’m looking for the opportunities to press pause and relax into one task,  done well. It’s another way to live mindfully. A way to be present in my own life.

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Published in: on September 12, 2012 at 7:00 am  Comments (3)  
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Fashion, Demystified, Round 2

Last week, I shared some general style tips I’ve gleaned from reading. Now here’s what I found out about dressing the curvy body, AKA hourglass figure. (That would be me.) But if you’re not curvy, read it anyway, because I decided to leave in some of my general notes. Because I’m in a hurry today, that’s why. :P

___1___

Dresses: Avoid too loose or too fitted (including cinching the waist) and high necklines. Lower necklines, medium-weight knits, soft fabrics that drape well are good. Show some skin in the legs & neckline. Specific styles:

shift/sheath (simple cut, streamlined, fits close to the body and has more of a waistline).

Empire.

Bias-cut, in other words, cut on the diagonal line of the fabric, which allows the dress to follow the body’s curves.

Wrap or faux wrap in, specifically in nylon jersey fabric or cotton. (Next assignment: figure out what the heck nylon jersey is.)

Belted shirt-dresses and full dresses.

___2___

Tops: Scoopnecks–the wider the better–flatter large busts. V-neck is universally flattering; the deeper the diagonal, the more slimming. Semifitted styles with seams and darts that end below the waist and can be worn out or tucked in. Avoid high, covered-up or button-up necklines; show more skin for balance. Try wrap styles, deep V-necks, small collars, narrow lapels. Minimal flourishes (i.e. ruffles, etc.). Shoulder pads are not my friend.

___3___

Pants & jeans: look for boot cut with a flat front. No super tapered styles or cuffed hems. Stretch jeans with straight or flared legs are my friends. Dark colors make you look slimmer. Jeans should NOT dig in at the waist, and you should NEVER have plumber butt, even if you’re wearing hip huggers.

___4___

Jackets: semifitted, hitting at the point where the hips start to curve out–or just barely covers the butt. Belted styles good. Avoid cropped shapes & styles that button to the neck. One good style is single-breasted with closure right below the bust. Narrow, longer lapels on a one-button jacket deemphasizes curves without hiding them.

___5___

Skirts: pencil skirts hugs curves. A-line flares and slims the hips, hides the thighs. (Hey, look, I’m a poet.) Full skirts have pleads, tucks or draping, and are flattering for most women; pleats that fall from the hip are easier to wear than those that start at the waist. For curvy figure: pencil skirts that don’t hug too tightly, A-lines that fit gently at the hips. Avoid overly tight and full skirts w/too much pleating or draping at the waist. If you have a tummy, choose drop-waist styles; tuck in shirt or use belt to highlight waist. Best length for skirt is right at knee.

___6___

Sweaters: Wide V-neck and cardigans, flat knit, with belt. Avoid fitted, high crewnecks and turltenecks with fitted, foldover necks. Chunky textures add bulk. Other flattering possibilities: soft cowl neck or shawl collar, as long as it’s not bulky; self-belted cardigan. A banded waistline will widen the midsection. (Like a big stripe.) Look for a “handkerchief” hemline–uneven at the bottom. I’ve tried this on. Trust me. Very flattering.

___7___

Oh yes. And have you seen this?

(I know. I should have led with that.) Happy weekend!

7 quick takes sm1 7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 177)

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Published in: on July 6, 2012 at 3:14 am  Comments (4)  

Fashion, Demystified. Sort of.

My idea of high fashion

I’m not a fashionable dresser. Never have been. But in the last seven years, gaining and losing thirty pounds, expanding and contracting, I discovered that I look much better when I’m pregnant…because the styles flatter me. I decided it’s time to find flattering styles when I’m not pregnant, too! When Elizabeth of That Married Couple had the audacity to suggest one day that it would be easy to check books out of the library, I was astonished. Call me dense; it had never once occurred to me that duh, of course someone has written books on this topic!

I went to the library. And I thought I’d share the general lessons I found out:

___1___

You want to balance the top and bottom of the body. So if you have a long waist, then look for high waistbands.

___2___

Prints on darker backgrounds are more slimming. Low-contrast prints attract less attention (i.e. pink on red, rather than yellow on black).

___3___

Any kind of detailing, i.e. ruffles, etc. draws attention to what’s underneath. (Which is why I’ve never been happy with my last purchase. It’s a blouse that’s all ruffles.)

___4___

In general, cheap fabrics don’t flatter as much.

___5___

Stark color contrasts between top & bottom create horizontal lines.

___6___

Cyan-Yellow-Magenta colorwheel, based on Image...

Cyan-Yellow-Magenta colorwheel, based on Image:Ryb-colorwheel.svg, with new colors. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve always been a “neutral-colors-go-with-anything” and “otherwise-match your-colors” kind of wardrobe person. Even though I adore bright colors and I love seeing people who mix up colors, I have never trusted my ability to mix them myself. That color wheel thing has never been my strong point. Here are three suggestions I gleaned from reading: navy with bright jewel tones (green, yellow, pink); gray with pastels; khakis with fall colors. (Well, I had that last one nailed, anyway.)

___7___

The rest of what I collected is for curvy bodies, but I’ll share that next week. In the meantime, my daughter keeps taking “BRAVE” stickers off her shirt and sticking them on my arms and my face while I’m typing. Talk about disracting! (And super cute.) (Call me Ms. Sticker Nose.)

Oh yes, and in case you wanted more lists to peruse, here’s a bonus take: a list of Catholic music–my newest post at Catholic Mothers Online.

7 quick takes sm1 7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 177)

Published in: on June 29, 2012 at 3:47 am  Comments (9)  

Perfect Moments

Photo by j neuberger, via Flickr

There are days that are full of moments. Moments of pristine clarity, the colors jewel-bright, the sight and the scent and the feel of them fusing into a single point so intense, it sears itself into the surface of my brain, and out of the pinprick point comes a single word: perfect.

I want these moments indelibly imprinted on my memory, not only to hold them for my own sake–because the camera is never on hand–but also so that I can draw on the details that can bring to life the words and scenes I write somewhere down the line. If I want to write stories that hinge on the drama in ordinary lives, I need these moments.

But how do I internalize them so deeply that they spring forth when they’re needed? How do I draw a word picture of a three-year-old sitting in a toy Jeep wearing homemade monkey ears, his face perfectly completing the image of monkey mischief? How do I hold on to the timbre and mannerisms of small childhood, of Nicholas singing “Twinkle Twinkle/Baa Baa Black Sheep/ABC” from the moment he wakes in the morning until the moment he falls asleep at night, until I want to build a time machine just so I can shoot Mozart before he writes it?

How do I capture the feeling of amused tenderness as Alex, playing Spiderman, whisper-shouts to himself, as he pirouettes and rolls to the ground, posing against soft emerald grass in the evening twilight? The awe in trying to comprehend how the baby of my heart can get so big on nothing but food, air and sunshine?

How do I remember Michael leaning back in the Snugli, his eyes bright with wonder as he looks up at the trees on a woodland hike? How do I preserve the holiness of the moment when I realize he can’t make up his mind what makes him happier: looking at the trees and the sky, or looking at my face?  How do I evoke the path, pebbles and sand and rock and clay, or the liquid light of near-sunset falling across Michael’s face as his mouth splits open in a soundless shriek of joy?

How do I put you in the moment when I enter the room to see Julianna lying in bed with her bottom bouncing up and down under the covers in the darkness? How do I make you feel the warmth of her small hand as I whisper to her and lead her to the bathroom in the middle of the night?

How do I remember the exact sensation of nursing and playing handsies with a baby whose fingers wrap perfectly around my thumb. How is that even possible, a whole hand wrapped around my thumb?

I think Heaven must be made of those perfect moments. A whole mountain of those lost, perfect points of time. Moments when that which is sensed and that which is beyond sense reach across space and time and, oh so fleetingly, touch.

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Published in: on April 11, 2012 at 7:38 am  Comments (6)  
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The Magic Chromosome

Today is World Down Syndrome Awareness Day. (3-21. Get it? Three copies…twenty-first chromosome.) Since I wasn’t thinking about that yesterday before I posted my DS thoughts for the week, I thought today I’d reach back into the archives and pick a favorite. I hope you enjoy.

*

“There is magic in that extra chromosome, I tell you. Magic.” –Kelle Hampton

I don’t know how she does it.

Everywhere she goes, people see her.

This seems like a stupid thing to say–of course people see my daughter. But in our quest-for-the-perfect-body-without-sacrifice, grab-a-Botox-shot and erase-your-wrinkles world, we don’t really see people with disabilities. Our eyes slide past, because we’re uncomfortable, or because we don’t want to be rude. Even though ignoring is its own form of rudeness. We build walls between Them and Us. (And I do mean “we.” Even now, I sometimes do it, too.)

Julianna is a one-toddler wall demolition girl. Somehow, she walks right through them.

If you don’t have a connection with Down syndrome, this post is one more set of syrup-sweet platitudes. I used to skim, or skip things like this altogether. How can I make you see my girl the way you see the children of every other friend, neighbor or acquaintance?

Aside from the ordinary triumphs of each dearly-bought stepping stone, these are my favorite things about Julianna:

Sympathetic cry-er (you know…as soon as a sibling starts wailing, her face screws up and she follows suit).

Bibliophile extraordinaire. She’s not picky. Given the chance, she’ll choose Child of the Moon or Brown Bear–better yet, a scrapbook–but if they’re not available, she goes for whatever’s close at hand. Batman, Lego instruction manual, hymnal, phone book (I kid you not).

Mommy wannabe. Right down to sitting in front of the computer and making a Really.Big.Mess.

Tomboy and girly girl–a girl after my own heart. Alex can’t stand getting dirty. Julianna? Glories in it. Butt planted in the creek. Mud on the legs. Fingers in the mouth.

Miss America in training. Walking is her favorite activity, best enjoyed when pushing a toy. But if we’re someplace where there are people, but no push toys, she waves. Loudly. What do I mean by that? I mean she tears through the available space, waving and yelling, “AAAAAAAAAA” (translation: “Hi hi hi hi hi hi!”). And everyone smiles.

She’s a button-pusher, “for good or for evil,” as Gandalf would say. If she wants to see you ticked off, she knows just how to do it. In two seconds. But when she wants warm fuzzies, she can do that, too.

One word: Hugs.

Oh…my…goodness. Nothing so heavenly as those plump little arms…squeezing. I’ve waited three years for that sensation. I get goosebumps.

The not picky audience member. She loves music. Any organized sound will do. Jackhammer. The roll call bell at the Capitol. As long as it’s not so close that it deafens, she cheers.

And she does it for “yay,” too. Yay for the food. Yay for Daddy’s homecoming. Yay because everyone else is. She doesn’t need to understand why she’s applauding. She just does. It makes her happy. And at the baseball game, when she claps and yells for five seconds longer than everyone else…people see her. And smile.

But my absolute favorite moment was a school bus moment. One afternoon Miss Holly, the driver, told me that the bus barn was moving Julianna to another driver’s route in the mornings. “Okay,” I said, “great, thanks.”

“Well…” she said, and when I saw the crestfallen look on her face–crestfallen for losing my daughter from her afternoon–my heart went, thump.

Oh, my beautiful angel. What wonders will God work through you?

Published in: on March 21, 2012 at 6:40 am  Comments (4)  

Glamourazzi!

I am a mother of boys by nature, so it’s a good thing that my only girl is half-wildebeest. But even so, I know how to make my boys’ hearts sing, and I often feel perplexed by the puzzle of how to connect with Julianna.

But last night? Last night, we rocked.

We’ve been connected with the Children’s Miracle Network for a couple of years now–Julianna’s picture adorns one of those canisters at Wal Mart, and she had her face on a poster at a golf tournament last summer. And of course, we’ve been on the radiothon (and will be again in two weeks). Last night, CMN hosted a “Glamourazzi” event (sponsored by a local radio station–here are their pictures), where the little ones got to have hair styled, nails painted and faces made up. Knowing Julianna, I decided we’d better keep it simple–a hair styling was likely to be traumatic enough.

But I was wrong. She was made for this.

We walked into the room, and before I even had my coat off and the baby carrier on the floor, she was off and running, her charm meter turned up to 110%. She hopped up into a chair and waved at me as the stylist went to work.

(shouting and signing “Ba-ba!”, her word for ”mommy”)

Banana curls!

This girl has a love affair with mirrors. She stole this from the stylist and carried around for half an hour until I managed to distract her with ice cream.

Another woman managed to corner her on the floor and put some lip gloss and blush on. The nails took a little more convincing. I had to have mine done, but then she was all about it. Of course, it took her five minutes of lining up the bottles before she decided on a color. :)

 Isn’t she just beautiful? Of course, her gorgeous curls were wild and scraggly by the time we made it to choir practice an hour later, but nonetheless…

And at this point I would like to draw attention to Mommy. I had my usual day–trying to stuff too much in, lessons, writing, cooking dinner, taking care of kids’ needs…the Glamourazzi was not on my mind until an hour before we had to leave, and by then there was no Mommy primping to be done. But, it transpired, they had plenty of people and time, so they invited the moms to join in. And Julianna was well-distracted by chocolate custard, which she was smearing all over her pretty face in the presence of one of the Q106 people, who thought it was the cutest thing ever. So I sat down in the hair stylist’s chair. “What do you want me to do?” she asked.

“I don’t care,” I said. “Just do something. Whatever.”

“Have you ever had your hair straightened?” she asked.

“Nope,” I said. “But I’ve been wondering what it would look like.”

Are you ready? I looked in the mirror and saw…

Deanna Troi

No, seriously…

I know, you think I’m nuts, but when I looked in the mirror I thought, “Who is that, Deanna Troi? Weird. Oh wait–that’s me!”

I made quite the sensation walking into choir practice, let me assure you. But by the time we got home, the front locks were already frizzing back into curls. You can’t keep a good curly-head down. :)

Published in: on February 16, 2012 at 8:29 am  Comments (18)  
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In The Background

There are too many pictures on my computer. Digital photography has absolved us from wasted money and resources. So now we’re profligate with our picture-taking, knowing we can delete whatever isn’t worth keeping.

Except we don’t. At least, I don’t. I can’t bear to part with them. For instance:

Last night I set out to cull the photos of Michael’s baptism. At first blush, I thought it would be easy: there were eight to ten pictures of every part of the ritual, and a couple dozen of our family. But as my finger paused above the “delete” key, my breath caught. Not at the foreground. At what was happening in the background.

There was this one: my godfather kissing my little sister’s forehead.

And this one, in which Alex’s expression as he holds his cousin’s hand is absolutely priceless:

Sometimes the surprise is in the action, but off-center, and not what you were taking a picture of, like this absolutely adorable moment between Christian and Julianna:

Sometimes the person behind the camera (my cousin Becky, in this case) realizes what’s going on and actually focuses in on it:

The camera captures something pretty profound in these pictures: while we’re distracted paying attention to the main stage, there’s a beautiful, complex world of other relationships playing out in the background, spinning threads that weave us all together and give depth to a world that will always, no matter how old and jaded and crusty we get, be able to surprise us.

(Linked to Wordful Wednesday at Seven Clown Circus)

Published in: on January 18, 2012 at 6:43 am  Comments (5)  
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Is “Beauty” A Bad Word?

“Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What’s missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.”
— Lisa Bloom, on Huffington Post

File:Beauty is forever.jpg

Photo via Wiki commons

My sister shared this article on Facebook a couple of weeks ago. Lisa Bloom suggests that we should not use the “standard icebreaker” of a compliment on appearance when we greet young girls. I found myself nodding as I read the article, yet something in me held back from wholeheartedly jumping on the bandwagon.

When my sister came to visit a week later, we got to talking about it. “I don’t know,” I said. “We all like to be complimented, adult or child. We all like to be recognized when we make the effort to look nice.”

“Because we’ve been taught to,” she emphasized.

We didn’t have time to dig into the subject, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since. It seems a no-brainer for me, who has railed on the objectification of women and unreasonable standards of beauty.

But here’s the thing. Beauty is not a bad thing. As human persons, we long for it. Our eyes seek it out. We try to surround ourselves with it, in the home, in museums, in flower beds and formal gardens and parks. We seek it in artwork and in music, and yes, in people, too.

Beauty and The Beast 2007

Image via Wikipedia

Beauty is not a universal standard, of course. I remember being roundly taken down a few pegs by a composition student who objected to the words I used when talking about Schoenberg’s serial works, and people are always bickering within religious circles about what constitutes beauty, some holding firmly that only the oldest forms of art and music can be called beautiful, and others finding it in every time and culture. And I’m sure everyone has experienced the transformation when someone you meet and find to be repulsively unattractive mysteriously becomes beautiful or handsome when you get to know them. We’re prone to define beauty with far too narrow a lens.

And yet, beauty is a natural longing of our hearts. It’s how we are put together. The search for beauty, and the fulfillment of that search, is what gives life richness.

So I can’t buy into the notion that we must stop talking about beauty altogether. The problems Lisa Bloom sees are real, and they need solutions. We do need to be conscious of what we teach the next generation about appearance. But another unfortunate tendency of the human condition is to see a problem and react by going to the opposite extreme, which causes at least as many problems as the original did.

Your turn: what do you think we can and should do to achieve a proper balance for our children?

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Published in: on July 20, 2011 at 5:56 am  Comments (4)  
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