Negative Feedback

I guess I should take it as a positive, that someone decided to leave a negative comment. :/ After all, that means that I evoked a response, that someone visited and read who thinks differently from me–and feels strongly enough about it that they were willing to call me on it.

I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it does. This is only the second negative comment I’ve gotten on my blog. The first was in response to a post about a book on the FLDS. The people who commented on that one actually scared me.

If I came across self-righteous in the last post to anyone else out there, please accept my apologies. I’m afraid that’s one of my weaknesses. I strive for humility, but obviously I don’t always achieve it.

Published in: on March 9, 2009 at 12:06 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Random Tidbits

I’m up early this morning and don’t have my writing materials, so I’ll just take this opportunity to record a few little random tidbits of life, which are more for the benefit of family records/history than what I usually post.

Random tidbit #1: Julianna
We receive our services through Missouri First Steps, which is a tremendous program, covering everything she needs until age 3. The therapists tell me that once she graduates from First  Steps, there will be many more battles to fight. (Yay.)

Anyway, at present the therapists come to our house: Physical, Occupational, and Speech. Gerti, our PT, still gets 2 visits a week, but as soon as Julianna really gets walking we’ll be cutting back to one and passing the other to the other therapists, who get 6 visits per month. I detail this to explain that we have 5-6 visits per week…except this week, because Gerti is out of the country, and other scheduling factors combined so that we had only TWO therapies this week. We did not know what to do with ourselves. Particularly Julianna, who simply has gone on strike this week. She won’t walk–whenever you try to set her on her feet, she picks her legs up and howls. She won’t drink from a glass–preferring to go without liquid altogether. I’m shaking my head and saying, Kiddo, regression’s supposed to happen AFTER the baby comes!

However, on the up side, she had a great week for signing. She learned 5 new signs: Daddy, Mommy, hat, fish, play. And she pointed to “cat” when Chris, the speech therapist, asked her to choose between two pictures. So both of those are good things.

Random Tidbit #2: Alex

Alex is definitely transitioning out of nap time. The trouble is that he still really needs it, even if he can’t or won’t go to sleep. So by evening, there are purple marks under his eyes and he’s acting…well, not good. The other thing this affects is bedwetting. He’s always been a sound sleeper–once he fell out of bed without waking up! This is why, we think, he is still wetting at night instead of getting up to go to the bathroom. I’ve let it go for months now without trying to work on it, but it’s very frustrating. It seems like all his friends are dry at night, and he’s not only wet, he’s as drenched as any baby.

Random Tidbit #3: Alex

On a more positive note, a couple of language funnies. He’s always said “pwanio” instead of “piano.” Christian & I think it’s adorable, but about a week ago, I thought, oh, my goodness, this child is nearly 4 years old. If I let this go much longer he’s going to get into the habit, and imagine the musicians’ kid at age 7 having to learn to say “piano” properly! So I brought him over and taught him to say it properly. Christian was really mad at me. :)

However, he still says “amn’t.” He’s got the gist of language so well that he created for himself the one contraction that we DON’T use. You’re really tired, Alex–it’s time for bed. “No, I amn’t!” Adorable.

OK, so honesty compels me to admit that even though he made up an appropriate contraction, he doesn’t have his past tense straight yet.

Random Tidbit #4: Baby

Baby is manifesting his or her personality by waking up every time I sit down or lie down, and using me as a boxing target…and a tickle target. Its favorite time is when I first lie down at night. I get a good 15 minutes of crazy movements. The kind where an entire leg from the knee down pushes out of my flank, and I can run my fingers along both sides. The kind where both sides of my body bulge at the same time. The kind where my stomach jumps and rolls like something out of an Alien movie. And s/he LOVES to take those little toes and tickle the underside of my ribcage. I must say, it’s most unfair, because I have very little defense against internal tickling! But maybe it’s a payback-in-advance  for all the tickling this little one will have to endure from Mommy in the years to come. :)

Random Tidbit #5: Writing

I set a goal to have my novel complete & submission-ready before Baby. I think that ship has sailed, much as I hate to capitulate. I’m very close, but my focus has gone in other directions lately…an assignment for Family Foundations (thank you, Christina!), and some composing, which I always miss when I go into a musical dry spell. And let’s be honest…a lot of blogging. Balance, Kate, balance.

So we’ll see what happens when I finish my assignment, which I should be able to turn in well ahead of deadline. Who knows? Maybe the last fixes and polishes on the novel won’t take too long. Maybe I’ll still make it! Think positive!

Published in: on February 28, 2009 at 6:28 am  Leave a Comment  

Reflections from a Jack-of-all Trades

Do you ever wonder how different your life might have turned out if you had made one decision differently? I do.

 

I chose my college based on what was familiar, what was near to home…what was safe. My music teachers often warned me what pursuing a performance career meant: a total commitment to putting that ahead of everything else. I heard it so often that I got irritated with them.

 

But I wonder now if they were so persistent because they knew I didn’t have what it took to succeed—the guts and determination to barrel through all obstacles like a car in a Hollywood chase scene, heedless of the destruction you leave behind. Long ago I came to the conviction that if great art requires sacrificing personal happiness and peace, I don’t want it. God didn’t create us to be tortured geniuses; he created us to be happy.

 

Classical music, liturgical music, composition, fiction, nonfiction…these are the talents, and the interests, God has given me. When I was younger, and unattached, I could focus on each creative pursuit in its own time. But getting married meant that all other priorities got pushed to second place. (That, unfortunately, took me a little while to learn.) When Alex came along, everything had to slip back another notch, and with the arrival of Julianna, with her special needs, everything dropped back a couple more notches.

 

Or did it? I’m writing very consistently now, but I hardly ever practice my flute; I’m writing virtually no music, and I often squirm with guilt that on a day to day basis I’m diluting the attention I give my children, who should be my top priority, after my husband.

 

And they are. When I have to, I drop everything else to cuddle a child with the stomach flu or a boo boo. And certainly writing time is planned around their schedules. But any time they’re awake and I’m sitting at the computer, I feel torn, guilty—just as I do about the lack of composing, the lack of flute practicing. There are too many balls to juggle. At any given time, a couple of them simply have to rest on the floor and wait their turn.

 

Do I regret not choosing one area of interest, grabbing hold and not letting go? No, I can’t regret that. I have a beautiful, exciting life, filled with cuddles and discipline, inspiration and deadlines, field trips and therapies. And I have a husband who is the best partner a woman could dream of. My life is balanced. If I’d had the backbone to make it in the performing world, I would have had to sacrifice other things. That may not be PC, but the world is what it is. I can’t help thinking that the sheer singlemindeness it takes to succeed is why so many famous people go through three, four or more marriages. Their career demands so much; it doesn’t leave enough to make a personal life work the way it’s supposed to.

 

So I will continue to juggle my “joyful duties” (I love that line from the hymn “O God Beyond All Praising”—such a succinct, and true, phrase) with the passions that define me. My family, my marriage, my responsibilities, will continue to inspire my writing, creating the intersection for which this blog is named. No, I will never balance it perfectly—considering this is the third or fourth post I’ve written on the subject, I’ll probably continue to expend emotional energy trying to keep all the balls whirling in harmony. But I do believe that this is the life I was called to live. And I thank God for it every day.

 

***

 

Something happened this week, and my blog hits went through the roof. I’ve scoured the stats, and for the life of me I can’t figure out what I did to cause it. Which makes me think I didn’t…I just got lucky. So, to all of you who follow this blog, I want to say thank you. It means a lot to me to have the opportunity to touch lives through what I write. That is what all writers ultimately want to do, the reason we spend such ridiculous amounts of time arranging and rearranging words on a page—so that the thoughts given to us can, perhaps, make a difference in someone else’s life. I’m honored that you take the time to come here and read.

Published in: on February 20, 2009 at 6:47 am  Comments (6)  

New blog to check out

Through my obsessive compulsion to read through my blog stats, I discovered that someone visited me from http://bugbear.wordpress.com/. Naturally, I had to go check it out. I’m glad I did. You should, too.

Published in: on February 18, 2009 at 12:37 pm  Comments (2)  

Of Statistics and Search parameters

One of the things that happens when you start a blog is that you get obsessive about watching your blog stats. And whatever other information the counter gives you. For instance, I can see when people click to my blog from somewhere else, and I know which posts get the most “hits.” I also know what the “top searches” are.

This is very interesting, actually. Right now, the top search includes the phrase “mild Down syndrome” and “day to day life of child with downs syndrome.” I always enjoy it when I see “The Beggars’ Queen” come up as a search parameter, of course.

The strangest search parameter that ever hooked itself on my blog was…are you ready? “Old lady bras.”

Now, stick that phrase in the search function on the side of the blog, and see what comes up. Talk about one tiny phrase that has nothing to do with the main subject of the post!

Well, anyway.

It’s getting late (which means 7:20p.m.), but I’ve been wanting to share that gem for quite a while. As long as I’m writing about basically nothing, I will share another, a Julianna story. She’s making another forward lunge in cognitive development, as I indicated a few days ago. The latest manifestation of her growth is that she understands several of the most common parental admonitions she hears. For instance:  yesterday I passed by her room at naptime and saw her climbing the bars of the crib into standing. “Julianna, lie down now!” I snapped–as sharply as I could manage. And I’ll be darned, that girl plopped face first in her blankets and played “dead.” Or, at least, asleep. No, Mommy, you were seeing things. I wasn’t getting ready to stand up. Uh-uh, not me. I’m an angel! I’m still cracking up about it.

There’s a good Alex story, too. I’m seeing a PT myself now–the 3rd pregnancy hip thing is killing me–and at our second appointment I brought the kids. She started asking me questions like, “So….you have a brother in law who’s a PT? Did he go to SLU? What was his name?” Soon we had established that she and my brother-in-law and his wife all went to school together. She nodded with satisfaction. “Well, the name was pretty uncommon, but when he walked in”–she gestured at Alex–”I figured it had to be. He looks so much like Justin!”

Never gotten THAT one before!

Now I suppose it’s time to go upstairs and get the kids ready for bed.

Published in: on January 13, 2009 at 7:29 pm  Comments (2)  

One Thousand Gifts

 

A week or so ago, when I did my tour of blogs, I came across one to add to my blogroll. Ann Voskamp keeps a blog called “A Holy Experience,” and one of her projects is the 1000 gifts. Read her post here:

 

http://aholyexperience.com/2006/11/gift-list-thousand-things.html

 

This is where my list begins. And in the days to come, when I find myself getting gripey and negative, I will return to the exercise of gratitude, and post some more.

 

Everyday things to be thankful for:

 

  1. kicking up a six-inch carpet of oak leaves along ATV paths
  2. naptime
  3. a 21-month-old snuggling down with absolute trust in your arms
  4. having so much to give that you never lack for ways to exercise creativity
  5. NEO
  6. cousins who are willing to share their woods
  7. friends w/whom you can pick up where you left off, even after a long absence
  8. living parents
  9. living grandmothers who get to know their great-grandchildren
  10. porch swings
  11. a little tumble-kin swimming laps and stretching around the obstacle course inside my abdomen
  12. the joy of giving joy to someone else—especially a child
  13. a fiscally responsible husband, who ensures that recession is nothing more than an inconvenience
  14. the smell of dead leaves
  15. sight
  16. always having another goal to reach
  17. an extra-good choir rehearsal
  18. sunlight breaking all along the crest of the hill beyond the creek bed
  19. sitting in the woods in mid-November
  20. the love of a man who stands by me, even when I don’t deserve it
  21. the love of a man for whom forever is not negotiable
  22. turkey dressing
  23. kisses from preschoolers and toddlers
  24. the dawn of language comprehension
  25. divine inspiration
Published in: on November 19, 2008 at 6:41 pm  Comments (1)  

Blogging and publicity–again

So I read an article in my Family Foundations today, talking about making money from home, and how one woman’s blog has become a good source of income from ads.

 

It’s been a while since I obsessed about how to publicize this website & blog. I guess it’s time. They say you need links to get read…and you get links by reading and commenting on other people’s blogs. Generally speaking, my reaction to that is, “Where the heck am I going to find time to do THAT? I think WRITING is more important!”

 

Today, however, I’m stuck on polishing my novel opening, I’ve finished taking notes on the first book I’m reading to research my new novel, and I got up at 4:30 a.m. to change Julianna’s overpowering diaper and never got back to sleep. So I decided: today’s my day. Last time, I tried writer’s blogs. This time? Mommy blogs. Clap the hands, rub them together, let’s go find some blogs to comment on.

 

Blog number one inspired me with nothing to say.

 

Blog number two did, but I couldn’t find a place to post a comment. I did find a “tell us what you think” link, but that put me into Outlook, and whatever my other qualifications in life, I cannot use Outlook. Two weeks ago, I dug around in Outlook and found every email I’d ever sent from Outlook, still sitting in an “Outbox.” No wonder nobody ever wrote back.

 

Blogs three through ten: see Blog number one.

 

Blog eleven: finally, finally found two posts I could comment on with some semblance of intelligence.

 

Okay, so that was one hour of dubious productivity. We’ll see if I see any sort of spike! I have my doubts.

 

From my informal scan of “mommy blogs” today, I find that I have very little in common with most of the moms who are blogging. On either side of the political/philosophical divide. Many of them sound angry, or else they’re trying to shock you into reading. Which seems to work, considering these blogs get huge, huge followings. If that’s what it takes to get a widely-read blog, thanks, but I’ll pass. I’ll allow this to be a way to keep my friends and family in the loop, and to Journal more articulately and quickly than by hand.

 

Besides, I watch my stats. Posts like this one are not the ones that people come to read. My hits are far higher when I have something of substance to say—like the last post on pictures of Julianna.

 

 

Published in: on November 11, 2008 at 7:54 pm  Leave a Comment  

Taking on Titles

When I started this blog, I wasn’t sure where it was going to go—or who was going to read it. (I know people are reading it, because I watch the stats, but I’d love to hear more from you all!) It is a writer’s blog…sort of…and a parent’s blog…sort of…but mostly, I realized, it’s an online extension of the Journal that I’ve kept since the seventh grade.

 

However, there are some significant differences between a personal Journal and a public blog. For one, there are things that don’t belong online. But that’s kind of obvious. The big difference between Journal and blog is focus. In my Journal, I ramble on as long as I want, touching on as many random associations as I want. But here, I have to narrow my field to a single topic.

 

And this has helped me with another item: titles.

 

Titles and opening lines are the bane of writers’ existence. That applies to music as well as prose, though to a lesser extent. Opening lines are a messy item. I’m afraid I have nothing to offer on that subject–yet, at least. But blogging has helped improve my titles. Having to come up with a title for every piece I write exercises the titling muscle, and all things improve with exercise.

 

That doesn’t mean that I no longer struggle with titles. I do. But I struggle less, and at a higher level, than before. Blogging has taught me focus, and title and focus are tightly woven together. When I know what I’m writing about, the title flows more easily. The quicker I am at identifying my focus, the less flailing about I do in the early drafts. (And despite the informality of a blog, posts do go through several drafts.)

 

Journalling improved my writing; now blogging does the same. So, regardless of who reads it, or comments on it, or doesn’t, blogging is a worthwhile endeavor.

 

Now, if I can just figure out endings…

Published in: on August 18, 2008 at 6:42 pm  Comments (3)  

Blogger Blather

They say that if you’re going to have a successful blog—one that has a devoted following—you need to post at least twice a week, and every day is better.

But I’d like to know who has time to read that much blogging? Let’s take a poll. Raise your hand if you delete every single forward you find in your inbox. Be honest now. And I’m sure you all check out every single link you get, too. And all the related links.

What I’d really like to know is how do you get people to read your blog faithfully in the first place?

If I blogged twice a week (much less every day), I’d never get any other writing done.

But then again, if that’s the case, what the heck am I doing writing a blog entry today?

It’s time to get to work, Kate!

Published in: on January 18, 2008 at 7:24 pm  Comments (1)  
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