The end of another busy week sees us gathering at RAnn’s place for Sunday Snippets: A Catholic Carnival. I spent two days adjudicating a diocesan festival, so I didn’t do as much in-depth blogging this week. I’ll just share two posts:
A Thousand Words
Sharing some moments via the “1000 words” model today…
For weeks, Nicholas asked repeatedly for a castle cake. Midway through I thought I'd ruined it, but like a phoneix from the ashes (and two batches of cream cheese frosting as glue)...well, anyway.
Proof that transcendent moments don’t disappear after babyhood, only shift forms:
I took the kids on the carousel on Nicholas’ actual birthday, since we’d already had our cake celebration and were back into Lent. I wanted him to still feel a sense of “my day.” My only quarrel with the carousel is the shortness of the ride.
No picture can capture how adorable this boy is in the bathtub. I love giving babies baths.
Oh yes, and add this one to the list of disturbing images you see as a parent…
Sunday Snippets
Time for a weekly roundup over at This, That and the Other Thing…
Here are my contributions:
Two posts for World Down Syndrome day–The Magic Chromosome and When Is It Okay To Laugh?
The Passing of the Baby Years
Alex, April 2005
It crept up on me, this wistfulness. A feeling that these days are slipping away like pearls through my fingers. The way he looks at me and the wiggles settle into stillness. The way his whole face lights up when he smiles, just because I looked at him and said hello. Moments that make my heart hiccup.
It was the end of a long, very busy and chaotic day. Both sets of grandparents in the house, and Next Littlest Brother bouncing off the walls from birthday cake (in the middle of Lent) and presents. By 7:30, Michael vibrated like a coiled spring, his little muscles taut, his head batting from side to side.
Julianna, March 17, 2007 in the PICU
My mother, with the slow gentleness she only exhibits toward grandbabies, settled him against her chest and took him upstairs. I followed, a moth drawn to a flame. She laid him down on the carpet in
the hallway, speaking softly to him as the shrieking glee continued downstairs. “It’s time to get you settled down, little boy,” she said, and his face nearly split with joy, legs and arms kicking wildly. “Does your mama have something more comfortable to put you in?”
I retrieved his sleeper, and we continued to sit there, two grown women reduced to helpless adoration by a fourteen-pound child. And a deep pang spread outward from the center of my chest, crushing breath for a moment. Because this stage is passing away and if, as I expect, we have to call it at four, I’m experiencing it for the last time.
“I don’t remember this stage with the others,” I said softly. “I’m trying to really live in the moment…but I don’t remember it with the others. I keep hoping once it’s all past, from a distance I’ll be able to pull it out, I’ll be able to look back and remember. Really remember. But I’m afraid it’s just going to be gone.”
Nicholas, March 2009
My mother’s hand brushed over his body. “It’s going to be gone,” she said, the voice of experience. “And grandchildren are different.”
I bent down and pressed myself against the tiny body, willing my nerves to capture the sensation and hold it, knowing they aren’t capable. And I wondered: am I really ready to move on? For a moment, weakened uterine walls and early deliveries and NICU stays and the sheer chaos of daily life with four children, one of whom has special needs–all of it disappeared into petty nothingness against the emptiness of life After Babies.
Because let’s face it, I’m a baby person. Two years from now I’ll be pulling my hair out over Michael, who will be saying “no” and breaking things and wanting me to play with him (blech!). Right now, his desires and mine are in nearly perfect unison. I want to touch him and talk to him and hold him, and he wants to be touched and talked to and held. Not that there aren’t frustrations–there are–and of course, not having to wash diapers every 48 hours, and being able to sleep at night, are big pluses to the later stages. Still, Babyhood is the part I love most about small childhood. Holding someone else’s baby just isn’t the same, at least not for me. There isn’t that visceral reaction, that gut-deep connection between me and this particular child, who is mine to care for, for whom I am the center of the world.
Michael, Dec. 1, 2011
Michael is on my lap now, tired and refusing to nurse, as has been his pattern of late, and reminding me that babyhood isn’t all transcendent moments. We really are stretched to our limit now. The kids we have need us, and there already isn’t enough to go around (how long has it been since I practiced my flute, for instance?). But I understand now how a woman can enjoy a “change-of-life baby” in a way she hasn’t been able to enjoy earlier babies. The kids go off to school, and it’s just Mommy and Baby again, like it was with the first one…only then, she was too freaked out to enjoy it properly.
Will we go that route? Honestly, it’s hard to imagine. My body really is pretty beat up from surgeries, and with three rambunctious boys, Christian sees college bills and car insurance premiums barreling down on us, to say nothing of the big unknown that is Julianna’s future. We have to be responsible.
But it makes me sad.
Sunday Snippets
Time for another roundup over at Ruth’s place…come join us!
My contributions for the week:
One about Nicholas, one about Julianna (mostly), and a welcome detour from recent crabbiness.
And the weather’s been gorgeous.
Things To Ponder Before Saying “I Do”
Please help me welcome a guest blogger today. Most of us are married, but it never hurts to remind ourselves of the where we came from as we grow and change. Sometimes we need to find those earlier parts of ourselves to make a marriage healthier and holier. So without further ado, here is Emily Rose Kirchner:
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Popping an engagement ring onto someone’s finger or wearing one on your own is a moment worthy of celebration. Right off the bat, you envision yourself and your partner strolling along the beach at sunset, walking hand in hand, and making plans for the future. That sounds romantic, right? After all, everything is great when you’re in love.
photo by phil_g, via Flickr
“Happily ever after” is what most romantic movies are made of, but can we say the same about marriage? Marriage goes beyond the act of exchanging rings on your wedding day; it’s a lifelong commitment that needs plenty of thinking. Before throwing in the towel on singlehood, ask yourself the following questions first:
Are you in love with this person or the idea of marriage?
Love is an important ingredient of a happy marriage. More than just a fleeting passion, love sustains the relationship even when the initial excitement of marriage is gone. Do you really love this person or just the idea of marriage—husband, wife, kids, pets, a white picket fence? If you find that you’re more excited about the latter, then you need to take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship.
Why do you want to marry that person?
Marrying for the right reasons is important because it spells the difference between happiness and distress. Many couples are unhappy because they rushed into marriage. They probably thought it was convenient or maybe even a good idea at the time. Pregnancy, tired of being single, a ticking biological clock—these aren’t good enough reasons to be married. Save yourself and your partner the misery by opting out of marriage until you are 100% sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner.
Are you both ready for commitment?
Marriage is a commitment for some and a death sentence to others. Depending on your maturity level, marriage can be living the life of your dreams or the opposite. Maturity isn’t always about the age, although most successful marriages are those between people who are above 28 years old. That is not to say, however, that a younger couple cannot make a marriage work—it’s just that people have different priorities when they are younger.
Photo by derekmswanson, via Flickr
Do you accept all of your partner’s qualities?
We all have our quirks that make us interesting. Sometimes, they can get on the nerves of our partners. Nevertheless, these kinks in the relationship should be overcome by positive characteristics. Nobody is perfect and one cannot expect his or her partner to have the eloquence or romantic gestures of a Hollywood actor. Acceptance of flaws and appreciation of positive qualities make relationships, and future marriages, happier. However, if a partner’s shortcomings are too hard to ignore—like the tendency to become abusive—think twice before signing a marriage contract.
What are your expectations of marriage and of your partner?
We all have our visions of what an ideal spouse or marriage is like. When our visions do not meet reality, relationships turn sour. Marriage is not always about happy times. There will always be days when living with each other is challenge. Be prepared to tackle the difficult moments—“In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.” Know your duties as future wife or husband (these are covered by the wedding vows, by the way) and learn how to reconcile differences.
Photo by Extra Medium, via Flickr
How ready are you to start a family?
Mortgage, car payments, kids, school, house chores, in-laws—are you ready for all of these? Are you financially stable to support a family? What about your career? Will you give it up in exchange for domestic bliss? Once you’re married, you’re not just accountable for yourself anymore.
Nobody is ever completely ready for marriage. Sometimes you just need to close your eyes and jump. Knowing and accepting that it won’t always be a soft landing is the first step towards a lasting union.
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Emmy is freelance writer for an online Catholic retailer of rosaries, first Communion gift sets, patron saint medals, and many more. She’s been married for ten years and while it’s not always pretty, she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sunday Snippets
Is it the weekend again already? Unbelievable. Time for another roundup of Catholic bloggers at Ruth’s place, and here are my contributions:
What Luke Skywalker Taught Me About Motherhood
I also wrote a guest blog on promoting NFP to the secular (and Catholic secular) world for CCL’s blog.
7 Quick Takes, vol. 165
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Yesterday we got an email about a “Miss Amazing Pageant,” for girls with special needs. The first age group begins at age, 5. After our Glamourazzi experience I wondered if Julianna might find something like this really fun, so I sent it to my husband. Here is his response:
I can just see the interview competition now –
“Julianna – which type of food do you prefer?”
PASTA — AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!
“Julianna – can you tell us what sound a Tiger makes?”
GRRROOOOOOOWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (at the same time, the sound guy runs for cover as all the microphones and speakers explode from the feedback.)
…… and we’ll be back after dealing with these technical difficulties…..
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Last week we walked out of our choir warmup room, which happens to be Alex’s schoolroom, and on the far wall I saw this:
It is the Easter Tree from my new Lent book, and it looks like several, if not all, the first grade classes at the local school are using it this season. It’s a crazy sensation, part pride, part humility, part awe and amazement, to see your work in use in the real world.
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Which leads to this: no matter how comfortable I am sharing my own story, there are times when it feels very vulnerable to blog honestly. Whenever I confess my mommy fail moments, as I did yesterday, there’s a sense that I invite judgment. Because if I wasn’t trying to do so much (read that: work at home), I’d be more patient, I wouldn’t fly off the handle without cause. Right? So obviously, the fact that I do lose it means I’m disobeying my vocation as a mother; I shouldn’t be trying to do anything else–only be a mother to these kids; obviously that is my whole and entire function in this world, right? These are the kinds of neuroses suffered by every mother I know who works on any level. Every. Single. One.
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Nonetheless, neuroses, while they have to be kept under control, do have this benefit: they force you to be honest, and I know I need to pull back. My instinct is to push, push, push, to try to get as far ahead of my deadlines as possible, but I know I need an occasional day where I plan not to work–where I simply take care of what needs taking care of: family, house, errands. Otherwise, I end up having day after day of middling nonproductivity caused by trying to dog paddle through the rest of it, and that’s when I get frustrated. Jen’s post yesterday made me realize it was time for one of those days. So I will not be writing today–only grocery shopping, house cleaning, spending time with kids.
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Are you ready for some more Chesterton? This reflection on modern philosophy cracked me up:
“The philosophy of St. Thomas stands founded ont he universal common conviction that eggs are eggs. The Hegelian may say that an egg is really a hen, because it is a part of an endless process of Becoming; the Berkelian may hold that poached eggs only exist as a dream exists; since it is quite as easy to call the dream the cause of the eggs as the eggs the cause of the dream; the pragmatist may believe that we get the best out of scrambled eggs by forgetting that they ever were eggs, and only remembering the scramble. But no pupil of St. Thomas needs to addle his brains in order adequately to addle his eggs … The Thomist stands in the broad daylight of the brotherhood of men, in their common consciousness that eggs are not hens or dreams or mere practical assumptions; but things attested to by the Authority of the Senses, which is from God.”
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I have a fiction excerpt up today, too… Yes, I know, that’s writing. But I couldn’t quite get it done yesterday (refer to “middling nonproductivity”) and today’s the linkup. But that’s it, now I’m taking the day off work.
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I know I had something else I wanted to say, but it’s time to start my day off work. (See? I can self-discipline.) Have a good weekend!
Children’s Miracle Network: How Many Adults Does It Take To Entertain My Kids?
I was offline all day yesterday, and I haven’t even checked my email yet to see what kind of backup I have to claw out from beneath today…so I am merely going to share a few photos from the Children’s Miracle Network radiothon last Thursday, pictures I can subtitle “how many adults does it take to entertain my kids while I’m on live radio?”
Photo courtesy of Y107's Facebook page
I would say the answer is three, based on piece of evidence #1:
and piece of evidence #2:
(Like the flying foam bricks?)
Sunday Snippets
It’s Saturday evening & I’m over the moon: date night! So here’s a quick rundown of my blogging week:
Playing at St. Paul’s in London
A post on novelizing Mary for Catholic Mothers Online
Head over to RAnn’s for more!
