The Lent You Want vs. the Lent You Need

flowers in the snow

flowers in the snow (Photo credit: elpostito)

I confess: I have an idealized view of Lent. My first spring in grad school, Lent came like a breath of renewal on the heels of one of the most difficult six months of my life. My first semester had been a nightmare of homesickness and a hellish roommate situation interspersed with glorious moments of musical learning and discovering like-minded friends. When Lent came around that year, I couldn’t go home for Easter. Every fiber of my soul longed for the familiar sounds and faces of my parish back home.

I thought it would be a miserable forty (-six) days. Instead, the whole season gleams in my memory with a concentrated, pure white flame, as all the suffering and loneliness concentrated to a point and softened the ground of my soul. It was one of the most fertile times of soul growth I have ever experienced, a season in which joy walked beside me on the long daily trek from my apartment to the school of music, across fields and a creek, while winter passed slowly and softly into a spring like nothing I had ever seen. (Spring feels different in places where it’s actually cold and snow-covered all winter.)

I’ve never had another Lent like that one. The next year I spent the season preparing for Comps, which, by virtue of being scheduled for Easter Monday, forced me to spend even Easter Sunday studying. (Blech!) Since then I’ve occasionally caught a whiff of that sanctity, but that spring of 1998 remains the ideal for which I strive.

This Lent has been just about as 180 degrees the opposite direction as it is possible for a Lent to be. I’m failing miserably at my Lenten goals (so spectacularly that at present I can’t even remember what they were anymore). As anyone who’s read my blog the last few weeks knows, I’ve not been a picture of holy motherhood and saintly living lately. And although the provocations are certainly not without justification, it doesn’t change the fact that my response has been less grace-filled and more sinful.

But it occurred to me this weekend–when I went to Confession so to leave the anger and temper loss in the past, and then came home to lose my cool again spectacularly that night–that sometimes the Lent you want is not the Lent you need. Sometimes we need to spend a few weeks staring at the excruciating image in the mirror: the one that forces us to live with the knowledge of our own powerlessness against sin, and how much we need God to carry us through it.

Published in: on March 11, 2013 at 7:43 am  Comments (4)  
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Welcome, Risen Jesus (Giveaway!)

Today I would like to welcome Sarah Reinhard back to the blog to answer everything you ever wanted to know about her Lent/Easter devotional for families, Welcome Risen Jesus.

The last book of yours we talked about was Welcome Baby Jesus, your devotional book for families to use with children during Advent and Christmas. I think everybody knows on some fundamental, gut level that December is badly skewed and that we are in desperate need of resources to help us cling to what really counts. But the same can’t necessarily be said for Lent and Easter. Why is it just as important to take time for devotions during this spring season?

The earth is springing to life all around us (at least here in central Ohio), or we are at least ready for that. And there’s something renewed about me when the days are longer.

I’m an Advent dropout. Every year–and this year was no different–I walk away from Advent as though I have a hangover, and the hangover was a whole season long, and it’s a baby’s fault. Hey! I’ve been through this before!

Every year!

So Lent is almost a palate cleanser. I know I need to do all that stuff I was supposed to do at Advent, and I failed. Again. So here I am with Lent ahead of me. Again.

I’ll fail. But it’s not about what *I* plan, is it? It’s not about what *I* have in mind, is it?

Or that seems to be the lesson I need to learn.

Every day during Lent, you offer a scripture, a reflection (“Think”), and sections titled “Act,” “Fast,” and “Pray.” Some of these “fasts” are really hard-hitting: give your favorite part of the meal to someone else. Give up some play time to do two chores around the house. Be cheerful today, even when you’re annoyed. You’ve really nailed some tough things for kids to do! What’s the key to getting kids to keep a good attitude, so they don’t say, “Oh, no, LEEEEEEEENNNNNNNT!”?

Wait a minute: I have to get my KIDS to do this stuff?

Oh yeah. Riiiiiight.

Well, Kate, truth is: it’s all been a theory to me. This is the year when I put my book where my mouth is. (Actually, I’m going to use YOUR book. I need a bit more distance from my own words.)

I can only tell you what I do for myself: I just buckle down. It’s like exercise: you know you have to do it, but it doesn’t have to be THAT bad. Sometimes the dread of a thing is WAY worse than the actuality.

Most books seem to focus only on the penitential season. Why do you think it’s important to continue the devotions through Easter?

What I love about being Catholic is that we take our celebrations seriously. Like 40 days of partying seriously.

In college, when I thought a party had to come with a hangover afterward, I would have been stunned to consider this kind of serious partying. 40 DAYS! FOR REAL!

Now, granted, we’re not supposed to get sloshed and silly: this is a time to draw closer to God. And what better way to do that than continue those things we were striving to do during Lent–minus the fasting, OF COURSE.

How important is it to do this every single day?

I don’t think it matters. At least, it can’t matter for ME, because I’ll get all obsessive and focused on that. And that is NOT what the focus is to be!

If you miss a day–and chances are, if you’re anything remotely like me, you will!–forgive yourself and pick it up the next day. It’s okay. Jesus understands. And he will be there risen in all his glory for you on Easter. Period.

Do you envision these reflections as self-directed, in other words, for older kids who can read the book themselves, or for younger kids who need the devotions read to them? Since the “act” and “fast” sections are meant to be day-long activities, how do you make sure you carve out time to do them as a family?

The first thing that comes to mind for my family is to do the reflections the night before, perhaps as part of an after-dinner (or even during dinner) discussion. I’ve even thought about making it part of our before bed ritual during Advent.

Then, the next morning, you can just remind each other of what the day’s focus is, maybe pray the prayer together, and out the door you go with your crazy day!

Thanks, Sarah, for taking time to visit with us about your book. Everybody, I hope you can get a sense of the down-to-earth approach she takes to faith. We all need some of that! Welcome, Risen Jesus can be found at your local Catholic bookstore or by going online at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or direct from Liguori.

AND…..just as we did during Advent, Sarah and I are giving away a set of our books. She’s giving away a set, I’m giving away a set. To enter, leave a comment below (or on Facebook!), and check out Sarah’s post by clicking below.

Lentgiveaway-reinhard-basi

Published in: on January 30, 2013 at 6:00 am  Comments (13)  
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Scouts, Flannery & Everybody Loves Michael: A 7QT post

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Last night Alex had a Cub Scout pack meeting. His den was supposed to hold doors for everyone upon arrival. As I walked by on the way to the bathroom, I saw six boys wrestling over control of one set of doors…and Alex calmly, without fuss, holding the other set open all by himself.

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It was my first Cub Scout meeting, and it was so interesting as a parent to see renewed proof of the way my firstborn wears his heart on his sleeve. Most notably his enthusiasm and fervor for what he’s doing. He was the only person (adult or child) in the whole building who held his hand above his head as he recited the scout salute.

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Speaking of Scouts, recently my mother has been sharing with our family some information about a connection (at the national level as well as in certain badge requirements) between Girl Scouts and Planned Parenthood. I’m wondering how others have weighed this in their families and parishes. Another friend told me that the American Heritage Girls, a faith-based scouting organization, is now partnering with Boy Scouts. We have a troop at another parish in our town. Considering Alex is already involved in BSA, this seems like a good solution for us. But I’m still curious about how others have handled this.

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Wednesday nights are always very late nights in our house–choir practice–and everyone knows perfectly well that upon returning home it is toilet, teeth, jammies and bed. Yet every week we have to tell Nicholas again why we are not reading bedtime books. Then he pulls a martyr face and drags out his sense of injustice as long as possible. It frequently comes down to a countdown. You know: “FIVE! FOUR!”

Well, this week Nicholas started moving at that point, so Christian stopped counting. Silence fell in the upstairs for a moment, and then Julianna, perched happily on the toilet, got tired of waiting. “WEEEEEEEE,” she yelled (three).

Well, that didn’t come out funny. Sorry. It was funny at the time.

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Katharine, of Plume of Doom, started Tweeting Flannery O’Connor quotes this week. It was the nudge I needed to go to the library and check out her complete short stories. It’s so illuminating to the process of writing short stories, which is what I’m working on right now. But Katharine shared this quote in a Goodreads review yesterday, from a letter written by O’Connor: “”There is a question whether faith can or is supposed to be emotionally satisfying. I must say that the thought of everyone lolling about in an emotionally satisfying faith is repugnant to me. I believe we are ultimately directed Godward but that this journey is often impeded by emotion.”

Zing.

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Are you ready for Lent yet???

Cover Art: Bringing Lent To Life

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And finally, some photos, which I will simply call “everybody loves Michael…but Michael doesn’t always love everybody’s love!”

Love this shot

Love this shot

Roommates always have a love-hate relationship, right?

Roommates always have a love-hate relationship, right?

As an aside, Nicholas loves that hat. Which is good because it's a) super cute, and b) super warm.

As an aside, Nicholas loves that hat. Which is good because it’s a) super cute, and b) super warm.

Alex loves making Michael laugh by getting right in his face and SHOUTING!!!!!!! It works...usually.

Alex loves making Michael laugh by getting right in his face and SHOUTING!!!!!!! It works…usually.

Enough already!

Until it doesn’t. Enough already!

7 quick takes sm1 7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 204)

Published in: on January 25, 2013 at 6:17 am  Comments (16)  
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Sunday Love Letters

Photo by Garrettc, via Flickr

When I was writing about Lent, an odd theme kept cropping up: relationships. It seemed off–I grew up associating Lent with repentance, sorrow and fasting. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the purpose of repentance, sorrow and fasting is to mend the broken relationship with God. I came to understand Lent as a journey, one foot in front of the other, on a path that leads to intimacy with Him.

As I thought about mending relationship with God, I kept thinking about other relationships that need healing and strengthening. I kept thinking about how our love for God is measured by our love for  others. And I thought of one of my sisters, with whom childhood was a perpetual battle of unkindness, and how, in young adulthood, our unresolved childhood angst piled up until we had a huge fight and didn’t speak for a year.

I realized that the relationship with God and the relationship with our loved ones run parallel. Maybe they’re even one and the same. So I came up with writing Sunday love letters to family members.

The idea is to write a letter to a different family member each week, focusing on what we love about them (not what drives us crazy–because let’s face it, that’s the part we notice most often), underscoring the ways in which we see God in them, and perhaps healing breaches.

We haven’t gotten it done every week. It’s been a crazy busy Lent so far. But we’ve done it twice now, and now I know that idea was inSpiration.

Here is what the first week looked like:

*

*

The second time–yesterday–we wrote notes on leaves instead. The small format works well for little kids in big families. I read my note to Alex:

Do you know that Grandma said last night that every time you walk in, the whole room lights up? I am so amazed when I look at you.

You are JUST LIKE ME.

I love you so much.

Alex stood silently for a minute, then made a dash for his Spiderman game with a suspicious look on his face. “Alex,” I said, “are you crying?”

“No!” he said. (Duh, Mommy!) He returned to whacking bad guys with spiderwebs. “But my eyes are watering.”

Focusing on relationships can be uncomfortable.

But it is also beautiful.

Published in: on March 19, 2012 at 7:24 am  Comments (5)  
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When Prayer Feels Empty

Photo by Carlos 90, via Flickr

I seem to be collecting a lot of prayer intentions lately. Not that there’s anything strange about that–it’s just that for some reason, recently they seem to be hitting a lot closer to home. In times past, I used to promise to pray and then forget all about it. (Yes, I was one of those people, I’m sorry to admit.) Eventually I learned when someone requested prayers, I had to stop whatever I was doing and pray then and there.

But these days, it seems I can’t get these people out of my mind. At odd times during the day I surface from the depths of my own affairs with a heaviness in my chest, a heaviness surrounding a name or two.

We are urged to be specific and forward in our prayers–in other words, to expect miracles. But I’ve grown suspicious of this kind of prayer. The longer I live, the more I see the value of the process. I believe God can work massive, instantaneous change, but most often He doesn’t…because there is value to the process, to the change wrought in us that would not happen if we were miraculously and instantly rescued from suffering.

So for the past several weeks, I’ve prayed for healing from my lingering ear infection, from the leftover fluid and hearing loss…but with no expectation that it will vanish overnight, despite a friend’s prayer for exactly that. Maybe that shows lack of faith. But on the other hand, through this process I’ve learned empathy for the elderly as they are slowly robbed of their hearing–a lesson I would not have gained otherwise. This experience reaffirms a different approach to prayer–one that focuses on grace to endure, on strength and understanding instead of relief from pain. Change my heart, this time. That, after all, is the purpose of prayer: not to force God to do our will, but to open our minds and hearts to accept God’s. I’ve learned to stop asking God to “fix it,” and to ask instead for the grace to accept what is. To say, “What do you want me to learn from this, Lord?”

But it’s one thing to embrace the search for wisdom and insight through suffering in myself. It’s altogether different to try to philosophize away someone else’s pain. I pray grace and strength and insight for them, too…but mostly I beg God to identify a quick exit from their suffering. And the words seem empty. Isn’t a pithy “Lord, please (fill in the blank)” just a pious platitude unless I put action behind it? Shouldn’t I seek some way to ease a friend’s suffering?

I’ve never wished I had Godlike powers so much as when I hear pain and confusion in the voices of those I care about. Yet the reality is that I have no control at all. I can’t heal broken bodies or broken relationships. I can’t remove the circumstances of another’s suffering.

So I pray, recognizing that only God has the answers. And maybe that’s the point, after all: that hurting with those who hurt binds me not only to them, but to God.

(Sharing with Michelle’s community on week one of focusing on the pillars of Lent: prayer, fasting and almsgiving.)

Published in: on March 5, 2012 at 6:44 am  Comments (10)  
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Are you ready for Lent? (book giveaway!)

Guess what? Lent is less than four weeks away.

I know, probably most of you are sending die, evil woman, die! looks at your computer screen right now. I’m ahead of the game, but I have a good reason. I think Lent is the great misunderstood season, and it is possible to approach it with joy–as perhaps you can tell from the image to the right. Today I’d like to share a short excerpt from my new book, Bring Lent to Life, and…I’m hosting my very first giveaway! So let me begin by asking: have you thought about “what you want to give up for Lent”? Read on!

The problem with simply giving something up is what I call the Mardi Gras syndrome: You’re sacrificing sweets for Lent, so the day before Ash Wednesday you have four bowls of ice cream. (There’s a reason it’s called “fat Tuesday.”) And on Easter Sunday you celebrate the end of the fast with two chocolate bunnies, a couple dozen handfuls of jelly beans, three slices of pie, and a cinnamon roll.

Kind of misses the point of the fast, don’t you think?

Fasting should change us in some way–move us to a place of greater holiness. It shouldn’t be something we do to torment ourselves for a while, only to revert to our former selves when it’s all over.

I believe it’s time to think beyond the ordinary Lenten penance. Why not give up a  specific sin instead?  In many ways, sin is a habit, a pattern of behavior. Selfishness, irritability, unkind words, gossip, gluttony–each of us struggles with the same sins again and again. Instead of choosing a specific item to forgo, why not choose one sin particularly troublesome to you and spend Lent focused on breaking its power over you?

This can be a great exercise for kids too, although they may need help, and that help must be given carefully. It’s important that we, the parents, not tell children what sins we think they need to address. True conversion happens from the inside out; it cannot be imposed by authority, however loving.

Penance, when heartfelt, is frequently a very private action and very difficult for people to share, even with those closest to them. Respect this. If a child is unwilling to share what he or she is giving up, that’s OK. As a parent, it’s tempting to feel that we must know everything our children are up to. But it’s also possible that a child (especially in the teen years) may want to be free of a habitual sin but is too afraid to admit it to his or her parents for fear of punishment. If your children are sincere enough to choose to work on something for Lent, rejoice, and allow them the freedom to make good choices of their own volition.

(Excerpted from Bring Lent to Life, with permission of Liguori Publications. Click here for more excerpts.)

Okay, folks, it’s time for a book giveaway! If you like what you see, leave a comment here between now and Feb. 5th and be entered to win a signed copy of Bring Lent to Life!

For extra entries, help me spread the word! Mention Bring Lent to Life on Twitter or Facebook (and mention me so I know about it!–Facebook: Kathleen M. Basi, Twitter: @kathleenmbasi). Better yet, refer people to this post. For each one you’ll get an additional entry. For every day you tweet or FB it, you get additional entries. On Feb. 6th my lovely little ones and I will do an old-fashioned, low-tech drawing and announce a winner.

Any questions? If not–go!

Published in: on January 26, 2012 at 8:04 am  Comments (50)  
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Raw

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Image by Elisabeth Moore via Flickr

I’m going through one of those raw times in life at the moment. You know what I mean? One of those stretches of time when I look in the proverbial mirror and I’m not crazy about what I see.

At heart, I’m an analyst. Since I was old enough to start Journaling, I’ve been looking hard at the world around me, and recording my observations with even-handed mercilessness. (Is that a word? MS Word doesn’t seem to object.) By that, I mean that I’m at least as hard on myself as I am on anyone else. I truly believe that most people share a core set of values, and so whenever I find myself angry with or sitting in judgment on someone, I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes—to understand their view of the world. To give people the benefit of the doubt.

I don’t have to be so kind to myself. After all, I know everything going on inside myself, something I can’t say about anyone else. When life is busy, it’s easy to ignore the niggling awareness teasing the edges of my conscience. But there comes a time when I simply have to admit that I’m not standing as high on the moral high ground as I thought. And then, every observation I make on people and situations feels like insupportable judgment.

At times like this, I begin to think about things that ordinarily don’t warrant notice. I sit in church, in the front row with my family, dressed up and looking like the perfect Christian, even while I writhe with the knowledge of all the ugliness hidden below the surface. I wonder what things people think about me, things they observe about me, what things make them think, How can she not see that glaring character flaw? Things they would be too polite to say to my face. Sometimes I wish people would actually say them; the greatest growth in my life has come through moments when someone pointed out something I really didn’t want to face. But when my soul feels this raw, I’m not sure I could handle it.

This is the part of the post where I’m supposed to draw it all together with some deep insight. But at the age of 36, gray hairs or no, do I have any place dispensing wisdom, as if my vast trove of life experience renders me an expert? I don’t think so. Here’s my best attempt: I always say Lent is my favorite time of year, because walking through the desert is so freeing. It strips away layers of soul binding, like Eustace shedding the dragon’s skin. Some years, that process begins, continues and ends in joy. Other years, it hurts. I just have to take a deep breath and plunge into the blowing sand, trusting that the scouring will do its job, and that joy waits in the oasis on the other side.

Published in: on March 14, 2011 at 7:02 am  Comments (7)  
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