Of Julianna, and planning for the third

Lately we’ve been discussing how long to wait before we try to conceive again. I’m 33–no great age, but my mother had her last at 33, so it’s on my mind. Because I’ll be having a C-section, Julianna has to be able to walk before the next baby comes. At 6 months, when she was sitting up, we were sure that she was going to be close to walking by a year.

And of course, she’s not even crawling. In fact, she’s not even transitioning into and out of sitting. (Actually, she started this weekend. She had a good developmental weekend.)

So now I wonder if our plans for a baby a year or so from now are too optimistic. And in my fears, I also realize that I’m harboring deep fear, insecurity and guilt. I am the primary “therapist” in the family, and I feel like I don’t do enough work with her. So I think it’s my fault that she’s not developing more quickly.

This entry is not coming together well, so I think I’ll err on the short side. A wonderful man at church this morning told me that God would provide. And he can say that, because he has a child with DS who is 1 year and 2 weeks older than her younger sister.

Easy to view from the outside–now that both of his kids are grown.

Harder to imagine trying to live through.