This weekend, my parents celebrated their 40th anniversary. In lieu of regular programming, I want to share the toast I gave at the dinner.
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We’re here today to pay tribute to a marriage. Not to two individuals and their accomplishments—but to the accomplishment of simply being here, together. And so today I would like to take a few minutes to share what I have learned about marriage from my parents.
Number 1: Marriage is for keeps. Falling out of love is not an option.
Number 2: Date nights, however, are. Although I can hardly imagine how they did it, my parents hardly ever went out, and their marriage never suffered for it. I can only attribute this to the fact that they were indispensible to each other. Which leads me to point three:
Marriage is a partnership between two best friends. It’s a rare big decision that gets made without both of them having input (can you say “Turkey”**?). I remember times when Dad would stand just inside the back door, too dirty to come in the house, and call for Mom so he could bounce an idea off her, ask for her advice. They respect each other’s unique gifts; they are equal partners in this relationship.
Number four: Love is not static. It is a work always in progress. During one stage of my parents’ life, the farm and the kids were the center of all structure. Dad is an innovator, and Mom followed him gamely wherever he led. But later, when Mom began exploring her political aspirations, Dad followed her with equal commitment.
And finally…Love isn’t about fireworks and long-stemmed roses. I don’t think my parents ever once had a candlelight dinner, and the only kid-free vacations they took were when they went to pick up some new piece of farm equipment, from such exotic, romantic destinations as…southwest Minnesota. Their love shows its face in hog barns power washed, in long days in the field, in campaigns run, and in the faces of their children and grandchildren gathered here.
This isn’t a fancy dinner; we have no champagne flutes and no bubbly for a traditional toast. What we do have is love for these two people. To Ted and Therese: here’s to the next forty!
** (Two years ago, my dad came home and Mom met him at the door, saying, “Hi, honey, I bought the plane tickets for a trip to Turkey today!”) **
Loved this, Kate. This, along with your previous blog about putting God and marriage first, are little shots in the arm to help me remember that a good marriage doesn’t just happen. It takes lots of work. I am confident that the end result is worth it. Your parents look healthy and happy. Yay for them!
What a beautiful toast–sweet, funny and so true. I love the part about how love isn’t just roses and fireworks. Agreed!
Love it! Particularly the part about love not being static. How great that your parents took turns supporting each other’s goals. My parents just celebrated their 40th, too & now that I’m married myself, I have some idea of just what a major accomplishment that is!
Beautiful, Kate.
And CONGRATULATIONS to your parents.
Thank you, all, for your thoughts & well wishes. It’s incredibly inspiring to me to see couples who have weathered everything we struggle with, have come out the other side and remain inseparable.
We’ve spent a lot of time with my family this weekend–party prep on Saturday, party on Sunday, and today, a trip to Whiteman Air Force base, home of the B2 Stealth bomber, whose cockpit I got to explore (briefly). Come back Tuesday for pictures!
Kate, make sure they get this memo: Southeast MN is much more lovely than Southwest MN, although it probably has fewer farm implements… Of course, Turkey tops ’em both 🙂
from the Land of Lakes…
It’s always dangerous to mention a place… LOL. FWIW, I went to south-central MN and thought it was absolutely gorgeous. But I’ll be sure to pass on the info! 🙂
What a great post … and a great legacy they’re leaving behind for your family!
How special! Lovely toast and I can see your parents have rasied an exceptional daughter. BTW, my husband and I celebrated our 30th anniversary this weekend. Seems I’ve run into a great many August weddings lately. Congrats to your parents!
Congratulations! August is ginormous in our family; we are determined never to have a child in August for that reason.