Fiction Friday: A Falling Leaf

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Explore : February 9, 2008 (#41)

Explore : February 9, 2008 (#41) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The moment Patrick opened the door, heat punched him in the chest, so heavy with moisture he had to lean on the car to withstand it. A few yards away, grapevines shimmered in the bright sunlight as they marched like stiff toy soldiers toward blue-shrouded heights.

“Germans,” he muttered, shaking his head.

Well, those rows were the reason he was here. He struggled forward through liquid air and fingered a leaf edged with brown, tested the weight of a clump of grapes. Very different from those he knew from home, the ones whose contours and colors he knew better than his own face.

And this was supposed to be his big chance?

Whenever God closes a door, He opens a window, his mother’s voice whispered.

Yeah, right. If God was anywhere in his life, he sure was hiding pretty well.

He retreated to the shade of a line of trees grown wild and unkempt along the property line. The smell of half-dry leaves rose to meet him as he sat and rested against rough bark. Behind his eyelids floated a vision of green eyes that saw right to the core of his being. Don’t lose faith now, they seemed to say.

Fine. Patrick turned his hands upward. “If you’re there, prove it,” he said defiantly.

For a moment, all was still. Then a breeze whispered, rose, passing from one treetop to the next. A rain of gold fell all around him, and a single yellow leaf came to rest on his palm.

Write On Edge: Red-Writing-Hood

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18 thoughts on “Fiction Friday: A Falling Leaf

  1. The paragraph that starts with “He retreated” was very good. I liked the description I also enjoyed that you involved smell. Too many people leave it out when setting a scene. Also I thought the last line was icing on the cake. Nice work!

    • Oh, I’m glad you giggled! I was trying to figure out some way to make that more of a cultural statement, but I couldn’t get it to work.

      (I’m allowed to poke fun at Germans b/c I am one. 😉 )

  2. Your descriptions are great here; I like the rain of golden leaves. I also like that though he is obviously familiar with the wine making business, this is a new experience for him because of the different location.

  3. I loved the ‘Germans’ reference, too! And you do such a good job here bringing faith to the forefront without beating the reader over the head with it. It feels ‘real’, and as we all know, that’s crucial.

  4. This was fantastic. I liked the line about the vines. Maybe because I live in wine country and see them marching in straight rows. The “Germans” comment threw me, but I’m not familiar with this story. But I did love the descriptions.

    • I was trying to poke fun at the regimented nature of German culture. I may be chasing an impossible image, though, b/c every vineyard I’ve ever seen has straight rows, no matter where it is…ah well, it’s an imperfect art, this writing thing. 🙂

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