Three times in recent weeks, I have drawn the ire of other drivers. It’s enough to make me soul-search whether the problem really is me.
The first time, I’d turned the engine off at a long light and the car behind me wasn’t happy with the extra second it took me to get moving forward when the light did finally change. No brief tap of the horn for her; no, she expressed her displeasure with a protracted blare and then tailgated me for the next mile. I got a speeding ticket on that stretch of road a few years ago, so I always keep my speed under control there…but I admit I took great pleasure in doing so that afternoon.
The second time, I was preparing to turn left off a two-lane highway. I’d started to lean left when I realized the oncoming car was close and moving fast, so I decided it would be safer to wait. The pickup behind me leaned on his horn….and held it…the entire time the car was approaching and passing. I thought that was beyond obnoxious, so I deliberately waited an extra second to turn, just to make the point. Which caused him to continue holding the horn the entire time I turned left, and for about a tenth of a mile after he roared on down the highway.
The third time, I had a car full of kids, not all of them mine, and I exited the interstate to find the left-turn lane unusually backed up. After about four minutes I realized the sensor was malfunctioning and we weren’t going to get a green light at all. Waiting wasn’t an option. I had to take the carpool kids home and get back to our house before Julianna’s bus. The solution was to pull into the right-turn lane instead and find a place to turn around somewhere down the street.
I couldn’t see around the traffic behind me, so I poked my nose out far enough to give me a sight line. And then I stopped, because there was a car flying up the ramp. I let him get past and then pulled out behind him.
As he sat waiting to turn right, he fisted me a predictable middle finger. And then, apparently deciding my lack of reaction meant I hadn’t seen it, he did it again.
All this has me evaluating my own habit of assuming the worst of other drivers. We all think whatever speed we’re driving is the right one, whether it’s below, at or over the speed limit. If someone wants to go faster they’re obviously bad drivers in far too much of a hurry. If someone’s going slower than we want to go, they’re obviously bad drivers who shouldn’t be on the road at all. When I’m running late I blame everyone else for holding me up—how dare they?–even though, hello, it’s my lateness that’s causing my stress. It’s no one’s fault, and more importantly no one’s problem, but my own.
It’s so easy to let little things get under our skin. Too often, too many of us (myself included) walk around with a general sense of rage at a constant simmer, just looking for an excuse to erupt…and in some cases, for an excuse to pick a fight. (Facebook, I’m looking at you.) I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written a snarky, provocative comment on Facebook, thinking it’s my God-given right to opine, and teeter on the edge of “submit” for agonizing seconds before selecting all and deleting.
There are times—like this week—that seem to overflow with irritations and inconveniences. They challenge my resolve to “treasure” the good and brush off the bad. So maybe it’s a good thing to get honked at and flipped the finger occasionally. Because the jarring overreaction it represents reminds me what’s at stake.
I know this is not your point but I think you should rethink turning the engine off in traffic. Google suggests it is not recommended for safety reasons, and I can see how your achieving a slight efficiency at the expense of other drivers might put you on the receiving end of some road rage.
This Lent I decided I really needed to work on my Driving Etiquette – in other words, I would not get angry at other drivers, no matter what, I would not yell and scream or even mutter under my breath that they were being jerks no matter how many horns blared at me, fingers, near misses and selfish driving acts I was the ‘victim’ of. In exchange, because I knew this was going to be a monumental task for me to undertake – I’m very much a MommaBear because all my kids are on the road driving with these crazies too – I thought I would lift my usual ban on chocolate for Lent. I thought I may need the balance of candy to outweigh me staying calm and happy in my car. So far week two of Lent has seen me eat an entire bag of snack size Milky Ways to appease urge to get out and upbraid the selfish driver running the red light, all the drivers going way to fast for road conditions after a 13 inch snowfall, and the honkers who think I’m stupid for waiting an extra second when the light turns green to make sure those red light runners don’t hit me! I feel guilty about the candy but so far I have stayed calm in my car. I am reconsidering a better exercise program to work off the candy!
Ha! That’s hands-down the best blog comment ever! 🙂
On Fri, Feb 27, 2015 at 11:12 AM, Kathleen M. Basi wrote: