Why Do Women Do It? Vanity Fair’s Article on The Hookup Culture


Photo by origamidon, via Flickr

This article, “Tinder And the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse,” was shared on my Facebook feed last night. I’ve heard about the hookup culture, but this lengthy and detailed look at it was truly nauseating. I’m going to let it speak for itself today and offer the combox for thoughts and discussion, if others feel so inclined. I only ask this: if this is how young women experience sex, why are they going for the hookup culture? If what is laid out in this article is the common experience, women are getting neither physical nor emotional fulfillment out of this. They are hurling themselves onto the altar of objectification and getting absolutely nothing from it. Why?

8 thoughts on “Why Do Women Do It? Vanity Fair’s Article on The Hookup Culture

  1. Deanna Bartalini

    That was very difficult to read. My children are adults, both over 25. My son is in a committed relationship ; my daughter is not in any relationship. I talk to other people their age and they all tell me the same thing, people are not looking for relationships. Somehow the notion that sex is meaningless has permeated our culture. The idea of having sex with 30 or 40 different people is abhorrent for so many reasons. I think young women who buy into this hooking up culture believe they have no choice, even while realizing this not the way to find a man you would want to marry. It is beyond morals or values, it seems as if it is a total lack of understanding that people have value; that they themselves have value, dignity and worth.
    On a personal level, I am concerned for my daughter and other young people I know who desire more.

    • I remember feeling hopeless, a few months after breaking up with a boyfriend, thinking how would I ever meet anyone, because I’d gone out with two or three guys that I really didn’t like much, just because I’d never really gone out much at all. Thank God I got involved in the church choir and God put Christian and I in each other’s paths. I’m glad I have boys and not girls…and I pray for the grace to teach them to stay clear of this kind of abuse of women. But it hurts me to think how much pain the women are going through unnecessarily. I just don’t understand it.

      On Fri, Aug 21, 2015 at 8:44 AM, Kathleen M. Basi wrote:


  2. I read this last week and it took me so long to just come out of a funk. It’s depressing. And I’m the same age as many in the article…yet married, and expecting, and I’m so very grateful that I listened to God (after somewhat ignoring him) when it came down to the whole dating/marriage/vocation deal. Because I can’t foresee myself thriving, or even surviving, in a culture like that article exposes…

  3. YUCK! I know I’m old. I know I’m overly leagalist and far too religious, but still. I have to say I was never tempted, even for a minute, to go to bed with someone I didn’t know, or even with someone after the first date. I wonder how normal this behavior is? In other words, assuming this is normal behavior for 20-somethings in New York City, is it normal for 20 somethings in New Orleans, Des Moines, or Podunk?

    • I had a younger family member weigh in saying that she thought this article was focusing in a little too narrowly on one experience and making it out to be the almost-universal one. I sure hope that’s true.

      On Mon, Aug 24, 2015 at 12:48 PM, Kathleen M. Basi wrote:


  4. The West has fallen into a consumerist idea of happiness. And if in following it you aren’t happy, you must be doing it wrong, or with wrong person, or you drive the wrong car, or you need a hotter bod, or a new look, or a hotter significant (or insignificant) other, more money, etc. But few people will wonder if the system is the problem.

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