Blog

Rudolph the Cyclops Reindeer (FF4)

Alex, upon getting into the car at school pickup, holds up this little “found thing”… …and sings, in a low, monotone gravelly voice: “Rudolph the Cyclops reindeer had a very evil eye And if you ever saw it, you would probably-y DIE.” Two days later, Nicholas and Michael are playing Star Wars: Battlefront: Nicholas: “Yeah!…

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I’ve Forgotten How To Be Still

When I was in the sixth grade, I wore soft contacts that I had to stick in this boiler thingamabob every night. And every night I would open the lid and unscrew the contact case to make sure my contacts were still in there. Not just once. Again and again, until the case got to…

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What I Did This Weekend

I’ve been a figure skating fan since I was 9 years old. I wanted to be a skater more than anything, but it took me a while to realize you could never become a skater if you didn’t, y’know. Take lessons. So I settled into my role as a fan pretty early. In adulthood, though, I…

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A Message for Young Moms From Someone with A Little More Experience

The day school let out for Christmas, I walked seven kids, ages 5 to 11, about a mile from school to the mall, across nine lanes of traffic on one of the busiest roads in town, so we could ring the Salvation Army bell at JCPenney. And I wasn’t nervous about it. I knew it…

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Maybe I Don’t Actually Want To Be Color Blind

We went to see “Hidden Figures” last night. Aside from it being a really, really good movie, it underscored something that’s been on my mind a lot the last couple of years. There’s an exchange between Vivian Mitchell, played by Kirsten Dunst, and Dorothy Vaughan, played by Octavia Spencer. Mitchell says something like, “Despite what…

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Kylo Ren Presents the Screaming Flying Monkey (FF3)

To start off the expected Armageddon of ice in mid-Missouri, I give you: Kylo Ren Presents The Screaming Flying Monkey Starring this guy…. …who, in addition to bearing the moniker “Mayhem,” also consistently has the best head gear, to wit: He actually wore this hat to school last week, which reduced his preschool teacher to…

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Negative Nelly Tries To Turn A New Leaf

  It’s one of those days when you don’t feel all that hot and from the time you wake up, the entire world seems to get on your nerves. You’re getting the kids ready for school and there’s the note in a kid’s backpack that starts with the passive aggressive phrase “Just a friendly reminder…”…

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How To Make A Snow Day, According to Kindergarten and Second Grade

“Mrs. Basi!” yells Kindergarten Carpool child, upon leaping into the van after school. “Do you want to have a SNOW DAY tomorrow???!!!!” “No, I do not,” I reply. Undeterred, he shouts, “You have to put an ICE CUBE in the TOILET and let it melt! And then you flush it!” “Uh….okay.” Nicholas leaps into the…

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