The Queen of Random (a Friday Funnies post)

Standard

Christian, at bedtime: Hello, Miss Horse Woman.

Julianna: Stop that.

Christian: Why do you want me to stop?

Julianna: Because you are old.

Parenting requires a  serious sense of humor. That’s all.

With my husband going out of town for a conference, I’m giving myself permission to take a Spring Break from blogging. See you all in April!

fridayfunnies

Advertisements

Mr. Strong-y Smash Man and Other Adorable Michael Moments

Standard

km-selfie

 

 

 

 

The youngest child is always the funniest one. It’s a rule. While I was gone for Liturgical Composers Forum, the two women who had morning duty both sent me messages to tell me things about my youngest child.

Exhibit A: 

singers

Uh-huh. Star Wars. Avengers. Hark the Herald Angels. Oddwalk’s Gorilla song. Frosty. Rudolph. Songs of his own making. And every one of them sung

AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS.

(Why yes, in fact, I am shouting. Actually, that’s not true, because currently I have no voice at all and my head feels woozy like I have a fever. I’m shouting internally.)

Exhibit B:

(An email received mid-week):

I know you keep track of funny things the kids say so I thought I’d share one I got from Michael this morning. 🙂  He was a little impatient about how long it took us to get back to my house (10 minutes) and asked a few times how many miles we had left.  A mile out from the house we came up behind a school bus that was driving pretty slowly.  He asked again how much farther.  I told him we were less than a mile from the house but we were going to have to go as slow as the school bus in front of us.  He suggested passing it but I pointed out that it wasn’t really a safe place to pass and we were only a mile out so we would just be patient.  He told me that sometimes school buses were driven by girls and he was pretty sure this one was being driven by a girl.  Presumably because they were going slowly. 🙂

Oh, Michael, Michael. Where, oh where did I go wrong?

Michael’s life philosophy seems to be threefold:

  1. Why walk when you can run?
  2. Why run when you can jump?
  3. Why hug when you can tackle?

Hence, I generally open my arms and not only brace, but wince in advance. I’m telling you, this child is going to grow up to be a stunt man in Hollywood.

To round out this week’s portrait of a preschooler who reeeeeeeaaaaallly needs to be in kindergarten, I give you: Michael’s brand new collection of superhero characters:

First there is Mr. Strong-y Smash Man (hard G. Very important.):

strongy-smash-man

This is the best picture I can give you, because by the time he finished drawing all of Mr. Strong-y Smash Man’s elevators (he seems to be mostly comprised of elevators, as best I could tell), you could no longer see anything but scribbles.

Then there was Mr. Magic, who he never drew.

Mr. Magic’s friends, however, I can share with you. The explanatory writing is faithfully transcribed from Michael’s own words:

strongy-smash-mans-friends

There are times when I simply can’t help grabbing up this child and trying to chew him to pieces.

fridayfunnies

Kate’s Universal Laws Of Parenting

Standard
Boys Pinnacles

Give them rocks to climb and they won’t fight. Oh wait. They had that fight over the walking stick, didn’t they? Never mind…

  1. Ear infections always and only come up after the doctor’s office has closed for the night.
  2. Or during a 20-inch snow storm.
  3. The child who gets chronic ear infections is inevitably the one who’s also allergic to penicillin.
  4. Paperwork is evil.
  5. Where children, there noise.
  6. If no noise, beware.
  7. Just because they don’t react doesn’t mean they didn’t hear you.
  8. Paperwork is evil.
  9. Boys are just different.
  10. 1 boy= destruction. 2 boys = mayhem. 3 boys = total annihilation.
  11. Did I mention paperwork is evil?

fridayfunnies

How To Make A Snow Day, According to Kindergarten and Second Grade

Standard
8382728491_58d14f0750

Photo by kylesteed, via Flickr

“Mrs. Basi!” yells Kindergarten Carpool child, upon leaping into the van after school. “Do you want to have a SNOW DAY tomorrow???!!!!”

“No, I do not,” I reply.

Undeterred, he shouts, “You have to put an ICE CUBE in the TOILET and let it melt! And then you flush it!”

“Uh….okay.”

Nicholas leaps into the van, spread-eagled with enthusiasm. “Mom, mom, you know how to make a snow day??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Nope, how?”

“You put your TOOTHBRUSH under your PILLOW!”

“No, you don’t, you put your SPOON under your pillow!” shouts Kindergarten Carpool.

“My teacher told me TOOTHBRUSH!” yells Nicholas.

“Well, the REAL way is a SPOON. And you know what else? You put an ice cube in the toilet and wait for it to melt! And then you flush it. But if you don’t flush it, your toilet will overflow!”

“So if we want a BIG snow day, we should dump our whole BUCKET of ice from the freezer in the toilet!”Nicholas is problem-solving hard now. “Mom, can we put our whole bucket in? We can always make more!”

Methinks the elementary teachers are having fun with the kidlets. 🙂 As I’m going to have fun with you now, because seriously, a photo like this has to be used, even if it has nothing to do with, well, anything at all.

10316989823_0cf2602572

“These are not the solutions you are…” oh, never mind.

 

Friday Funnies, 2nd ed.

Standard

CAPTION CONTEST!

michael-whatever

I don’t know what this is. But it’s hysterical.

computer-notes

For three days, I forgot to pay the monthly rental for Alex’s horn. I told him to stick his horn case on the computer chair so I wouldn’t forget again. He did this, too. Oh, wait, do you need a closeup?

horn-note

michael-lego-heads

I don’t know what this is, either. Is there something wired wrong in there, I wonder? 😉

fridayfunnies

In Which I Win “THE VOICE”: Van edition (and other Friday Funnies)

Standard

fridayfunniesMichael, holding a paper back mouse with whiskers on one side:

“I’m naming my mouse ABCMouse.com!”

Me: “I’m definitely raising 21st century children.”

Julianna, holding a baby doll:

“Mom, my baby name, is, Dzustin…Bieber!”

Me: speechless.

Nicholas, at prayer time following an ice storm:

“I pray for good roads and a lot of snow.”

Me: “You do realize those two prayers are completely at odds with each other.”

Alex: “No they aren’t! I don’t want ice, I just want a lot of…well…I don’t care if it’s on the SIDEWALKS, I just want it not on the STREET!”

Christian: “Alex wants twenty inches of snow to fall only on the yard.”

Our Advent season car soundtrack:

Michael: “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLEE BLEE BLEE!”

Nicholas and Julianna: “You’re a grand old flag! If you like to talk to tomatoes….Veggie ta-a-ales, veggie ta-a-ales, there’s never ever ever ever (ever ever…ever…ever) been a show like…”

Alex: “NO, NOT AGAIN!

Nicholas and Julianna: “Fine. O SAY CAN YOU SEE?”

Alex: “Aaagh!”

Me: “Alex, you should start singing the theme to the Flash. You’ve got to fight back!”

Alex: “But they LIKE the theme to the flash.”

Me: “You’re thinking about this all wrong. You’re not trying to find something they don’t like. You’re trying to find something YOU DO. Like…like this.”

Me:

In the car:

Dead silence.

Ha-ha! I won!

 

“Kids in Church,” Part 1

Standard

We’re going to do something a bit different today: it’s your turn to talk! A few weeks ago, I asked my Facebook community to share their best “kids in church” stories: the good, the bad, the ugly. I got twice as much as I could use for a single post; hence the “part 1” in the title. If you have stories to add, chime in. Use the combox or send me an email at kathleenbasi (at) gmail (dot) com, and I’ll add them to the queue. Who knows? Maybe we can make this a regular feature.

Without further ado, I present:

Kids in church stories, Part 1

 

Photo by Alex Sansão, via Flickr

Lauren F:

A. has recently become very fascinated with being nude. And we just happened to call her “naked butt” while she was running around without clothes one day. Well, she has an incredible memory and continues to call herself that. At Mass one Sunday, she noticed the Crucifix. Joe pointed out that it was Jesus. She yelled out “Naked Butt Jesus!”

Laura F:

7pm Mass, “Teddy” was maybe two, I’m in front doing music. The lector hadn’t shown up that night so Fr. Henry (all 6’7″ of him) is at the ambo, just finished the petitions and there’s that moment of silence after the prayer before he walks back to his chair and I announce the offertory. “Teddy” is sitting with Grandma and Grandpa, far side of the church, 3rd window back, per usual. In that moment of silence his voice rings out, very sing song-y….”Mooooommmy! I poooopy! Come chaaaange me!” Fr. Henry looks at me, I look at him, and say….”Our offertory song is….” (Hey, daddy can deal, right?)

Brian K:

The minister asked a rhetorical question, and S. tried to answer.

Michelle B:

I carried I. up to communion when he was two and as soon as I stepped away from the priest, he started wailing (at the top of his lungs) “I want a snack too!!”

Ruth C.:

One year when my big ones were little we sang Away in a Manger every night during Advent, as part of our Advent Wreath/nightly prayers routine. I taught them hand motions. On Christmas Eve we were stuck on chairs in the back of church and the Offertory was Away in a Manger. They both stood up and started singing and doing the hand motions.

Catherine M:

When my brother was young he thought the priest was Jesus. One day the Bishop officiated the mass and processed down in all his glory and he proclaimed loudly “wow! That must be Jesus in heaven!”

Emily R:

When I was very little, we were all seated in a pew. I was watching everyone walk in before mass. A little old lady walked in with freshly done hair. And you know how it can sometimes get a blue-purple tint when it’s white and freshly permed? Well, I stood up on the pew, pointed and my mouth opened. Mom said she could see the wheels turning. She clamped her hand over my mouth and pulled me down before I could ask why her hair was purple. Mom was mortified!

Carrie E.:

W. was born on December 23. I threw a fit to get out of the hospital for 10:30 (Christmas Eve) Mass. We walked in during the second verse of Silent Night. Fr. John just about fell off the altar (I was due 1/7). At the end of Mass, he came back, blessed us, & carried W. around the church held high like the Lion King. After 18 years, people still tell me how special that was to them.

And finally, today’s winner…

Amy W: My fave is from when T. was about 4, and we saw our pastor (by chance) in Costco. Instead of a greeting, he pointed and yelled in alarm, “Mom! They let that guy out of our church!” Without missing a beat, the pastor answered, “Only to stock up on food.”