Words can be a funny thing. They are my specialty, and I love to use them (and encounter them used) well. But the more time passes, the more I become convinced that not all subjects benefit from an excess of eloquence.
Take faith. I’m passionate about Catholicism. Stories of faith, liturgical symbolism, a gorgeous turn of phrase in a musical text…all the things that make my blood rush, I want to pass on to my children. But it’s all too easy for talking about faith to take the place of living it. And as a parent, I dread falling into the trap of hypocrisy.
It’s easier to tell my kids we have to love our neighbors than it is to actually do it. How should I treat the homeless man begging at the corner? Do I give him money, offer him a ride to a shelter? In the eyes of the world, option one is foolhardy, option two downright dangerous. And maybe they’re right. But Jesus’ words tumble around my skull: “I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink” (Matt. 25). In fact, I can almost hear him saying, you didn’t even look Me in the eye.
I can tell my children that everyone is a child of God, and that we should never talk about people behind their backs. But if, in the next minute, I hurl nastiness at a rude driver, I impart the opposite lesson.
And then there’s gossip. Even if I manage not to indulge, I’m bound to encounter someone who does, more than likely in the presence of my children. If I call the gossip on the carpet, I’m being self-righteousness. If I say nothing, I’m a hypocrite. If I point out the error to my children later, then am I not the one guilty of talking behind someone’s back?
It would be much easier to follow God if the world fit into neat categories of black and white, but real life spans the spectrum. Of course, there are times when words about faith are important; there are places (like church) where you hunger for a word that moves, enlightens, edifies. But in everyday life, words about faith push people away more often than they draw them in. So I’m trying to learn to use a light touch.
I may never find satisfactory answers to life’s trickiest moral dilemmas. But I hope that if my children grow up watching me wrestle with them, they will learn that Christian life is so much more than a prepackaged series of truisms that fall apart in the face of reality.
Kathleen M. Basi 
Such true, real struggles you describe here :(.
When I lived in Los Angeles, the huge difference between wealthy and poor was constantly being displayed as I’d drive from one place to another. The homeless on every corner were always in my mind and settled on my conscience, and the one person I heard at the same time every night in the dumpster outside of my dorm/apartment I would find myself waiting for the sound of the rummaging. What to do? We ate dinner out every Friday night, and always had leftovers in a takeout box, so we decided that instead of actually taking the leftovers home to eat ourselves, we would give them to a homeless person – the first one we saw as we’d head home. If we didn’t see any, we’d leave them by the dumpster near my building. How it warmed my heart those nights that I knew there was food and I would only hear the sound of feet walking away, and no rummaging. It wasn’t the perfect thing; it wasn’t all that I could have done, but it was something. And honestly, the looks of gratitude and the reminders of shared humanity forever changed the way I see the world.
I only share this to say, by doing something, we can effect change and set a good example for others.
I have an idea to curb gossip in your presense, as it’s worked fabulously for me… (I never hear gossip anymore, lol!) ….
Whenever people began to talk negatively about someone I knew, I would mention something nice about the person.
By pointing out positive, redeeming qualities in the poor soul, and refusing to engage in badmouthing them, everyone in the group soon became uncomfortable talking around me.
Perhaps they moved their conversation elsewhere to gossip about me, hehe, but I also hope they felt a tad bit guilty, too! 😉
I believe it was still setting an example, without explicitly calling them out and reprimanding them.
Those are both very good ideas. Thank you. 🙂
It’s so important to make matters of faith practical. This is good. Very good.
Great reflection. I struggle with the same things. I so agree with your last paragraph. And I am also trying to use a light touch when I speak about faith. Thanks for saying what I was feeling!