Last night, my critique group finished reviewing my new novel. In An Instant is the story of a young widowed mother trying to balance parenthood with the desire to find self-fulfillment in a career—not to mention a fulfilling love relationship.
Several drafts ago, I put the story before a group of three extremely liberated women, all older than me. I particularly remember their reaction to a scene where Beth challenged the hero’s reasons for coming onto her. They cheered, “Good for Beth!”
However, one of my current critique partners saw that same scene in a totally different light. “Oh, she is so self-centered!” she exclaimed. “I swear, this girl thinks it’s all about her!”
Listening to her list of all the reasons why she thought Beth was self-centered, I encountered an unpleasant jolt, because all of Beth’s reactions were drawn from my own feelings and experiences as a mother—both the good and the bad. Magnified, of course, because thank God, my life is not that dramatic, but nonetheless mine. I tried to balance the frustrations by also showing the beauty and joy of motherhood. But, at least in one person’s point of view, I failed. And suddenly, everything my critique partner had to say about my protagonist found a subject much closer to home.
I never expected one of my characters to come back and scold me for my own weakness. Who would have thought that a novel critique would force me to look in the mirror and confront my own human failings? What a pinprick in the proverbial behind!
These were my thoughts as I went to bed Sunday night—my thoughts, and my prayers: for help in focusing less on my self, and more on the others in my life, instead of trying to tuck their needs around the edges of my own.
Of course, I don’t—I can’t—ignore my family. Not with two small children and another arriving soon—not with a child who has special needs. Nonetheless, the balancing act is truly a tightrope, and I wonder if I’m walking it to the best of my abilities.
After all this soul-searching, I went to sleep full of good intentions. Beginning Monday morning, I would be self-giving instead of self-centered; I would enjoy the time with my kids, and I would not get mad when Christian left his breakfast dishes on the table. I was going to make a fresh start.
Naturally, I woke up at 2:30 a.m. with the stomach flu. So yesterday, I spent the day on the couch while my mom took care of my kids for the morning, and Christian came home from work to take over before lunch.
Ah, well…today is another day.
Kathleen M. Basi 
Wow, what a beautifully-written blog! I appreciate your honesty. I certainly relate to this eloquent observation:
“…for help in focusing less on my self, and more on the others in my life, instead of trying to tuck their needs around the edges of my own.”
I think we all can.
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Christina–that means a lot, coming from you!