Movie stars. World-famous scientists. President of the United States. Dreaming big is programmed into us as children. As we get older, the dreams shift a bit, according to our interests. In high school and college, I planned to be principal flutist of a major orchestra. These days, Christian and I joke about all the things we’ll do when I hit the bestseller list. You know. He’ll quit working. We’ll buy a house in the country. Take trips to France. Things like that.
But the vast majority of us will never be more than one among many in our endeavors. It’s a numbers game—only a few can reach the “elite” circle, and that means the rest of us, however good we are at what we do, will remain in solidly “average” territory.
It sounds depressing, but it occurs to me that this is not a bad thing. After all, it seems that whenever someone makes it big, scandal inevitably follows. To quote two recent examples, Lindsay Lohan and Mel Gibson.
Do you ever think, What is the matter with these people? Nobody acts like that! I sure do. The only thing I can figure is that success goes to people’s head—that breathing that rarified air drugs people into thinking they’re somehow different, or that the rules don’t apply. Or perhaps, it simply shuts off the part of the brain that processes such questions.
One thing I know for sure: the journey to the top of many fields requires a focus that makes it difficult, perhaps impossible, to live a balanced life. Case in point: when my mother decided to enter politics, someone told her to give up on her marriage right then and there; marriages didn’t survive in politics. (Hello—could there be any better illustration of what’s wrong with our political system, if this is the kind of person who runs it?)
Either way, I am learning to appreciate the beauty of being “average.” The diversity of my interests is a strength, not a weakness. That doesn’t mean I’m settling for anything less than excellence. I will always strive to complete tasks to the best of my abilities. I will always dream of and work toward writing (and publicizing) a bestselling novel, of placing essays in the national glossies—but I choose not to let my success or failure define my self-worth. Because here in the middle, I have a lot of company. And commonality creates community. And community is what the human experience is based upon.
What were your dreams, and how have you made peace with the reality?
Linking up with Steady Mom’s 30-Minute Blog Challenge
Kathleen M. Basi 
I’ve thought the same things as I’ve looked at famous people…what in the world made them think like they’re thinking?
I want to “follow” you so I can get your new posts on my Blogger dashboard! Have you thought about adding that feature?
You are quite right. And I would much rather have community than be “alone at the top.”
My dreams were not too impressive (going to college was my largest goal in my teens!), so mostly they have either been fulfilled or else I still hold out hope to see them come true in the future
I think as we get older we realize that being average is ok. The scars of life help people realize that.
“Average” and “non-famous” aren’t necessarily synonymous, you know…the problem is that to talk about being anything other than “average” leads us to labels like “above average” and “below average,” which sets up this hierarchy of value and all, which I don’t think is applicable either…I think we all have areas of our lives wherein we can be “ordinary” and wherein we can push ourselves to “extraordinary”–it’s just that some people’s areas of extraordinary aren’t necessarily noticed by anyone else.
And honestly I suspect there are plenty of non-famous people who behave just as badly as Mel and Lindsay, we just don’t hear about them and they probably don’t have the resources to do it quite as splashily as these two. (I’ve known people who, in fact, behave this badly.)
I’m fairly content being an extraordinary person whom few people understand is extraordinary. 🙂
And good luck with that bestseller–I wouldn’t be surprised at all. 🙂
I have to say, I tend to agree with commenter J.
Although I think I get what you are trying to say, I think that the way that I personally view it is much more compatible with what J. conveyed above.
Furthermore, there are people who actually choose the life that they have. Although it may seem average or ordinary to others, they may actually have intentionally designed their life that way, its not always by default.
However, I will say that I started school to be an anthropologist. I still think that its in y future, somehow. 🙂
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Good thoughts! Whole heartedly agree and have had somewhat of a similar thought process in regards to our work, too. How do we define success? I think it may in reality be very different than what we tend to think – smaller is often better, quality vs. quantity, and our community life and home life, etc.
I have some dreams, small ones really. Everything else, really honestly, had come true. But I do dream of more publication, of really somehow being Known Out There.
I like J’s ordinary/extraordinary reframe. Also often wonder how I would unravel if put under a spotlight similar to what famous folk live with. Guess that’s why I’m happy with the simple, quiet life of mine.
Glad you asked for what the dreams were. When I was growing up I wanted to be a Metropolitan Opera singer. In spite of my interpretive abilities, I didn’t have the pipes to carry over an orchestra. In those days performers didn’t go around with something stuck in their ears, either. They had to pay attention hard and listen to one another. In recent years God took my voice away entirely through neurological problems. I miss singing and having a children’s choir, but whenever God takes something away He always gives us something else to bring others to Him. All we really can do is our best with what we’ve been given. Now I am working on digital art and I have a new dream – to sell my art at fineartamerica.com, and to take people’s family and pet photos and turn them into paintings. Until we die there’s always something new around the corner. As long as we are doing God’s will, we shouldn’t worry about anything else.
I think opera singers still aren’t mic’ed, are they?
I can’t imagine not being able to sing. Thanks for sharing.
Nowadays (if not before) ‘above average’ is a euphemism for having the potential of making a lotta money. So what.
Look at this car:
It’s way above average. Do you care?