So I’m a slow learner.
I know that attitude changes everything. I know that put-on anger in the interest of discipline leads smoothly to real anger, and real anger to helpless rage, and that starting a cycle leads to looking at all of life in the negative.
And yet here I am again.
On the highway home from choir practice last night, with the remnants of Alex sulking, Nicholas dirty (again, despite plentiful opportunities on the toilet) and Julianna unbuckling Alex’s seatbelt just to be a stinker, I gritted my teeth and said to Christian, “It’s a good thing I’m already pregnant, because otherwise I might just say the heck with the whole thing.”
“Speaking of negativity,” Christian said sternly.
Yeah, fine. But Julianna tore up two scrapbook pages yesterday. Two of my best, mind you. And when Christian called at noon the day before, the phone line opened to the dulcet tones of two children screaming….and screaming…and screaming. (I think it was because we’d come inside for lunch instead of playing outside. I don’t exactly remember now, it’s all running together.) Christian laughed. “Great, go ahead,” I said furiously. “While I’m the one that has to deal with it.”
I’m in need of yet another fresh start, people. It’s been coming on for a while, and I knew it. I kept trying to ward it off, nudge the inertia just a degree or two to the left. But here I am. If you’ve got a few spare prayers, toss them my way, will you? Because it’s time to go get the kids up, the Morning After Choir Practice, and I really want today to be a fresh start.
Kathleen M. Basi 
Hugs… remembering those days of little ones and their frustrating habits…praying for a new start to today
Let them sleep,it is summer. Enjoy a few extra minutes to yourself and recharge. Enjoy the slower pace of summer and be amazed at what can be accomplished.
Yeah, we let Alex sleep in, but Julianna has school all the way through the 4th of July. And besides, if they sleep till 8, they won’t nap!!!!
Well I’m definitely feeling bad for my chastising remark on fb! And I know how you feel when the chaos is swirling around you! I felt like it took awhile fir the kids to settle in at the beginning of last summer. But once it did it was fun! Maybe take tomorrow just as a fun day…take kids to the sprayground or do something away from the monotony of home. Might be good for all of you!
I can totally relate to your frustrations when husbands laugh, or brush off the madness you endure… because they aren’t dealing with it all day long!
[guiltily deletes the 4 paragraphs of griping against her husband, who is a wonderful father….]
I’ve been meaning to have a sit-down talk with him, to get some support/advice/sympathy… rather than a pat on the head before he retires to his mancave for the evening.
I think we’ll feel more capable with the strength of our partners’ support behind us.
I know for a fact that he wouldn’t trade places with me as a stay-at-home Dad…. (we’ve tried that experiment, lol)
Basically, I wanted to suggest that you and Christian talk, too. Really talk… and try to figure out some way to manage the family dynamics as a team.
You both need balance, relaxation, and time with the kids…. 😉
But the next time I send up a begging plea to the heavens, I’ll add an additional thought for you and yours. LOL
Yes, I said the same thing to Christian. Really the biggest problem is that we’re so freaking BUSY right now. You put in a careful 5-8 commitments over the course of 6 weeks, and suddenly they have babies…lots of babies…babies you din’t plan for. And the upshot of it has been that we’ve had commitments virtually every night, every week, for six weeks straight. Weekends included. Many of them are terrific, fun things, but theyr’e still commitments. Christian hasn’t used the weedeater in a month, and he NEVER goes that long. And it seems like every time I think, “Okay, end is in sight…” up crops another thing we can’t say no to!
For the record, I said no this morning. So it’s not that I’m not capable of saying no. I’m saying there are things we CAN’T say no to.
Anyway. Yes. Time on the couch. No TV. Talking. Connecting. Very important.
Sleep would be good, too.
When I read posts like this, it creates conflicting feelings. On the one hand, I’ll admit to feeling some sense of relief that I don’t have to deal with these kinds of pressures/issues–especially since I’m still working to get my mind and emotions stabilized after 18 years of an anxiety disorder. However, I struggle with some jealousy toward folks who are married and have families, since–due to a combination of spiritual, emotional and other problems–I’ve never been able to have those things. I wonder what it’s like to have a spouse to love me and share your life with, or what it’s like to have a family of your own. In fact, lately the loneliness and other issues I’ve had to deal with have weighed down on me so heavily I’ve almost felt like I was going to come unglued. Just seeing families together at church would exacerbate my own lonely state. So, while I certainly recognize that you’re dealing with very real frustrations not to be laughed at/made light of, please let me also gently remind you to count your blessings. Yes, you’ve had problems I haven’t had to deal with, but you’ve had blessings I’ve never experienced either.
As for dealing with anger… I’ve had plenty of that lately as well–but directed at myself, my circumstances, and even at times at God. (That was one of the things I brought out in the confessional at church today!) So, I too need prayer in this area of my life! 🙂
I always enjoy your posts. They’re very interesting, poignant, and educational! God bless!
Evan
Evan, God’s been smacking me up-side the head all weekend. I have a post brewing addressing this.
It’s sometimes tough to run the balance between recognizing blessings, focusing on the positive instead of the negative–and validating everyone’s suffering, even though they’re different and to differing extents. People have a tendency to gripe to me, and then get shamefaced about it because after all, I have a kid with special needs. I always say, Hey, your problems are real, too. It’s good for us to be reminded that others have it worse than we do, to underscore our blessings–but it’s important to affirm that our own crosses are also valid.
I have wondered about your story over the last year or two. I will pray for you.
Thanks. I can use all the prayer I can get!
And I hope I didn’t come across as trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me. The Lord will see me through this, however difficult or uncertain things seem at times.
You’re right that we all have crosses to carry. Those crosses can vary tremendously from one person to another and affect our lives in very different ways, but they should all be taken seriously. And my experiences have taught me all too well that I need to think twice about judging others, since I haven’t walked in their shoes–just as people who haven’t had to deal with the crosses I’ve carried have no business judging me.
And by the way, please be patient and forgiving with your husband. Though I’ve never been married, I’ve observed enough to know that we men have a tendency to be clueless about the things wives have to endure!
And God’s been smacking me upside the head too, and I’ll probably be writing a post about it as well! Sounds like we’re confronting some of the same basic issues. 😉
May God bless us both with His mercy, grace and peace.
Evan
Prayers going up for you and I hope things are getting better. I feel your pain as Andrew’s behavior the last two weeks have been HORRIBlE, especially today. His behavior has been bad enough for 6 kids.
Evan, I’m praying for you, too!
Carol,
Thanks for your prayers. God bless!
Evan