The focus has been on the younger two kids lately, such that I feel guilty for neglecting Alex on the blog…though not in life. He doesn’t allow himself to be neglected. (“Mommy, I want to do something fun with you!”)
Our family looks quite a bit diffferent than we had planned. When we envisioned life, it was with children close in age, who would grow up as playmates and peers, the way Christian’s youngest brothers are inseparable. Boy, girl…we knew it would affect the relationship, but still, their proximity in age would allow them to bond.
Well, they’re close in age, and they certainly have bonded. But the entrance of an extra chromosome in the family forever changed the relationship Alex shares with his younger siblings from big brother/friend to big brother/protector, teacher, cheerleader, caretaker.
Of course, it was always going to be that way anyway, to some extent. But in many ways he’s alone in the household. He has no one to interact with on the level of a peer—nor will he, until well into adulthood, when Nicholas will finally catch up. He doesn’t even have peers on the physical level—at the age of almost 4, he still has to help his sister around, instead of running with her.
Of course, he adjusts. He and Julianna race each other on all fours, chase each other on all fours, and if one of them sees the baby they both have to come adore. It’s like moths to a flame, or magnets—it never fails to crack me up, the way Nicholas sucks them in, in unison. But it doesn’t change the fact that the position of eldest child is a lot lonelier than we meant for it to be.
These things became painfully clear last night, when I took the kids to Bonkers for Alex’s friend Emma’s birthday party. She’s a year older than Alex, and her brother Andrew is a year younger. The three of them were inseperable last night, climbing up in the netting and careening down the slides with the speed and agility of small children. They even tried to slide down a slide together, with, um, shall we say mixed results.
He was crazy happy. I haven’t seen him so excited in…well, far too long. The weight of responsibility was absent; he just got to be a kid playing with friends. What he had last night was what Christian and I had hoped to give him in his own home. But God had other plans.
Our family is different than we envisioned, but not worse, and not better, either. Just different. I still wish we could have given him the gift of a best friend in his own family. The path he treads now will lead him to a little different place than we expected, but I imagine that he’ll grow into a very empathetic man, and that is all to the good.
That is, of course, assuming he ever grows out of banging Julianna in the head with things. Stepping on every piece of paper or toy left on the floor, and sliding around on them. Crawling out of his skin. Crawling on the couch. Jumping on the bed.
Oh, excuse me…I’m morphing to a new topic. Better save that for his birthday post.
Kathleen M. Basi 
Well, this probably won’t make you feel any better, but William and Andrew are both boys and only 2 yrs apart and quite frankly not as loving or friendly as I would like! They can be sometimes and sometimes they do play well together. However, more often than not these days they fight, tease mercilessly and try every way possible to annoy each other. The result is Mom goes crazy having to listen to all the screaming, yelling, fighting, crying, etc. I have no idea how to improve the situation. It is usually really bad if we have nowhere to go and it’s too yucky outside to play outside. There aren’t very many places to take the kids to here where they can run and have fun inside. On the other hand, William just adores Elizabeth (4 yrs apart) and spends all his time making her laugh, gently wrestling with her, teaching her things, etc. She in turn adores him and smiles the biggest and laughs the most for him. I imagine they may start fighting more when she becomes older and more annoying! 🙂 Now Andrew has no tolerance whatsoever for Elizabeth. She drives him crazy and he gets very angry when she knocks down his toys etc. I think she likes to hear him scream and yell “Eeeeezzzzbessss”! Only time will tell how much our children grow up close friends and loving… We pray for the best.
Oh yes, I know. My sisters and I were like cats and…cats. Um, sometimes we still are.
Alex and Julianna have plenty of screeching matches, and though many of them are giggle-induced, many more are related to wanting the same toy or being annoyed by each other. So I know, even if Julianna hadn’t had Down’s, many of the same things would still apply–and yet, it does look different.
Interestingly enough, Julianna seems to have largely adjusted to Baby, and has abandoned her transition behaviors. (Except for the waking up at night.) …while Alex still refuses to go downstairs and play by himself. He always wants someone with him. It’s like he craves attention, and the more you try to give him, the more he needs it–addiction-like.