I’ve been thinking a lot about weddings lately. It’s coming into that time of year. Fall is the new June, you know. Or perhaps you didn’t, but in the ‘00s, Fall is wedding season.
It’s also because we are celebrating a flurry of bridal showers and anniversaries—including ours. Today is our tenth anniversary, a number that seems under-inflated, considering we’ve been together since 1995.
And last but not least, it’s because my awesome editor at Family Foundations has asked me to write reflections on the messages contained in our wedding cards for the Jan-Feb. issue. So this week, I have been reading our wedding cards and thinking about how the messages they contain have played out in real life for us. Naturally, I wrote more than I needed to, so she gave me permission to share the overflow here, by way of a preview.
“May your love be just as endless as the rings you give and wear…”
A ring is a beautiful symbol, but it doesn’t make the marriage. We were driving up Mt. St. Helena in Napa Valley five days after our wedding when I glanced down and found that one of the platinum tines on my wedding ring had cracked, and the diamond hung suspended from three. I gasped, which startled Christian such that he nearly ran off the road. When we got back to the bed and breakfast that night, we packed the ring in my flute case, and I finished my honeymoon with no ring at all.
These days, I might go most of a week without wearing it. This sometimes bothers Christian, but I keep telling him it’s not symbolic of anything; it’s just a byproduct of washing dishes, cleaning floors, and changing diapers. Why mess up an expensive piece of jewelry? Married is my state of mind, however I’m dressed, wherever I go. A ring might warn off potential admirers…but so do the kids who travel with me!
Speaking of whom…
“Never again will you walk alone…”
How very true. 🙂 Not even to the mailbox.
“Life, like laughter and love, is best when shared.”
I will reflect on this message in Family Foundations, but what I can’t say there is that this card came from Justin (in the pre-Laura era) and Mark and Michelle. And to me, those two couples embody this ideal better than almost anyone I know. I love that this is the wedding message we got from them.
“In every season of life there is something to celebrate.”
Oh yes. Yes, yes, yes. In the early days—long walks and holding hands; the liberty to run out to do errands and deciding spur of the moment to make a date of it, complete with movie and dinner. In the childhood days—giggles and wonder, piling the whole family into Mommy and Daddy’s bed on a Saturday morning. Beyond that?—well, we’ll have to wait to find out the rest. How about it? Anybody want to share their experience of what comes later?
“May you have faith to inspire you, hope to sustain you, love to bless you through a lifetime of caring and sharing together.”
This card came from a friend who never married. I love that she was the one to acknowledge that we would need hope in our lives. Wedding cards gloss over the inevitable heartaches, arguments, and difficulties that are part of every life. I understand that, but I also think it does a disservice to those with whom we are celebrating. Married life is not all roses and chocolates, but hard times offer moments of unsurpassed beauty. They are the shadows that soften the edges of joy—and joy, which is one part peace, sometimes is found more easily in them, because we are focused on the moment, and not juggling a hundred inconsequential distractions.
“Today is the first day of a beautiful, magical, wonderful forever…together!”
Beautiful—in the faces of our children; magical—in the way that the crucible of suffering transforms self-centered adults into children of God; wonderful—in the sense that because life is always changing, we are constantly challenged to find each other again, in new ways.
Here’s to the first ten.
Kathleen M. Basi 
This part is my favorite:
“Today is the first day of a beautiful, magical, wonderful forever…together!”
Beautiful—in the faces of our children; magical—in the way that the crucible of suffering transforms self-centered adults into children of God; wonderful—in the sense that because life is always changing, we are constantly challenged to find each other again, in new ways.
My husband and I volunteer with the Sponsor Couple ministry at our church. This is worth jotting down and mentioning when we’re paired with our next engaged couple!
What comes later, you ask?
Grandchildren! You look into the deep, dark eyes of the newest little one, who looks back at you without averting his gaze, without any discomfort from such direct eye-to-eye contact, who solemnly assesse you during several long moments, and finally rewards the looker with his cute smile of approval. Happy are those to whom he coos!:)
Back at home, you work together, lending a third hand when needed for the task at hand. Work shared, is work made lighter, and done more quickly than working alone. The sense of accomplishment at the end of the day is known without having to explain it, because it was a thing done together.
At days end, you fall into bed, assume comforting positions beside each other, and share whispered gratitudes: “Thank you for your help today..” “Thank you for working so hard to take care of me..” “Thank you for choosing me…” “Thank you for loving me..” “I need you so much!”
You realize how full the presence of your spouse makes your life, and how empty and purposeless it would become without the beloved.
I wish this happiness for all who say “I do!”
I love the “Thank you”‘s. What a good idea that is.
Bravo! This is just wonderful, and it gets me so excited to read the rest in Family Foundations. Thanks for the tease — and happy 10-year anniversary!