I don’t understand-vol. 3

I don’t understand how they get store-bought bread to rise in a perfect rectangle. Whoever heard of yeast rising in right angles?

I don’t understand how the car companies, in the summer of ’08 (when gas was $3.99 a gallon) could keep a straight face when they claimed that “gas has never been cheaper.”

I don’t understand Schnucks, whose ads ask us to suspend reality and accept that they are cheaper than all the other grocery stores around. Come on, people! Do you really think that just by SAYING something you can make it true?

I don’t understand how the stores down the middle of the mall stay open. Who shops at those places, anyway?

I don’t understand what Alex is thinking when he takes the jack-in-the-box, which “lives” up on a high shelf so it doesn’t get bent and unusable, and throws it down the stairs…not in a fit of temper, but just out of nowhere.

I don’t understand how a disposable diaper appeared in the drawer of the nightstand, underneath the NFP charts.

I don’t understand where all of Nicholas’s socks go. I mean, come on. He’s not even crawling yet, much less walking!

I don’t understand how the sound of a child whining in her sleep, behind a closed door, down the hall, brings me instantaneously full awake, yet morning after morning, I can sleep through Christian’s alarm clock, which is the second-most annoying alarm clock ever.

I don’t understand the inverse relationship between inspiration and time to realize it.