Please help me welcome a guest blogger today. Most of us are married, but it never hurts to remind ourselves of the where we came from as we grow and change. Sometimes we need to find those earlier parts of ourselves to make a marriage healthier and holier. So without further ado, here is Emily Rose Kirchner:
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Popping an engagement ring onto someone’s finger or wearing one on your own is a moment worthy of celebration. Right off the bat, you envision yourself and your partner strolling along the beach at sunset, walking hand in hand, and making plans for the future. That sounds romantic, right? After all, everything is great when you’re in love.
“Happily ever after” is what most romantic movies are made of, but can we say the same about marriage? Marriage goes beyond the act of exchanging rings on your wedding day; it’s a lifelong commitment that needs plenty of thinking. Before throwing in the towel on singlehood, ask yourself the following questions first:
Are you in love with this person or the idea of marriage?
Love is an important ingredient of a happy marriage. More than just a fleeting passion, love sustains the relationship even when the initial excitement of marriage is gone. Do you really love this person or just the idea of marriage—husband, wife, kids, pets, a white picket fence? If you find that you’re more excited about the latter, then you need to take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship.
Why do you want to marry that person?
Marrying for the right reasons is important because it spells the difference between happiness and distress. Many couples are unhappy because they rushed into marriage. They probably thought it was convenient or maybe even a good idea at the time. Pregnancy, tired of being single, a ticking biological clock—these aren’t good enough reasons to be married. Save yourself and your partner the misery by opting out of marriage until you are 100% sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner.
Are you both ready for commitment?
Marriage is a commitment for some and a death sentence to others. Depending on your maturity level, marriage can be living the life of your dreams or the opposite. Maturity isn’t always about the age, although most successful marriages are those between people who are above 28 years old. That is not to say, however, that a younger couple cannot make a marriage work—it’s just that people have different priorities when they are younger.
Photo by derekmswanson, via Flickr
Do you accept all of your partner’s qualities?
We all have our quirks that make us interesting. Sometimes, they can get on the nerves of our partners. Nevertheless, these kinks in the relationship should be overcome by positive characteristics. Nobody is perfect and one cannot expect his or her partner to have the eloquence or romantic gestures of a Hollywood actor. Acceptance of flaws and appreciation of positive qualities make relationships, and future marriages, happier. However, if a partner’s shortcomings are too hard to ignore—like the tendency to become abusive—think twice before signing a marriage contract.
What are your expectations of marriage and of your partner?
We all have our visions of what an ideal spouse or marriage is like. When our visions do not meet reality, relationships turn sour. Marriage is not always about happy times. There will always be days when living with each other is challenge. Be prepared to tackle the difficult moments—“In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.” Know your duties as future wife or husband (these are covered by the wedding vows, by the way) and learn how to reconcile differences.
How ready are you to start a family?
Mortgage, car payments, kids, school, house chores, in-laws—are you ready for all of these? Are you financially stable to support a family? What about your career? Will you give it up in exchange for domestic bliss? Once you’re married, you’re not just accountable for yourself anymore.
Nobody is ever completely ready for marriage. Sometimes you just need to close your eyes and jump. Knowing and accepting that it won’t always be a soft landing is the first step towards a lasting union.
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Emmy is freelance writer for an online Catholic retailer of rosaries, first Communion gift sets, patron saint medals, and many more. She’s been married for ten years and while it’s not always pretty, she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Kathleen M. Basi 
This is some great advice! I often wonder if a couple is in love with the idea of marriage more than each other. Looking back, I might have romanticized marriage much more than I would now, but is that because we have been at it for almost 13 years?
Thank you for sharing this!