It’s seven-thirty on Saturday morning, and Alex is already in trouble. He got Michael out of the crib while Daddy and I were downstairs and then wandered away, leaving his nine-month-old brother on the bed. It doesn’t take much imagination to spin out the picture: The thunk, followed by baby wails, brings me running upstairs. Alex gets told in no uncertain terms what I think of his thoughtlessness, and he retreats to his room to sulk.
Once I’m confident that Michael isn’t hurt, which takes a while because he won’t stop crying for several minutes, I go into Alex’s room and sit on the bed. He feels terrible. The associate pastor once told them in a homily that when they know they’ve done something wrong, they can punish themselves– an idea not wholly without merit, but no child should be applying such a lesson without guidance, especially Alex. I longed to smack the priest when I finally realized what was going on, after months of Alex “punishing” himself for things that didn’t deserve punishment.
“Come here,” I say, and Alex unfolds long, lean limbs and tries to crawl on my lap–an operation that ends up involving some accidental fisticuffs and a fair amount of laughter from both of us. “You’re too big for this,” I say.
“But I thought you wanted me to get on your lap!”
“I do,” I say. Eventually, we manage the tricky operation. It doesn’t take too many words. Alex knows he was careless and thoughtless, and Michael could have gotten hurt; he needs comfort, not scolding. Comfort comes from me, and from Michael himself, who can’t bear to be six inches away from Mommy at any time. He crawls over to the bed, pulls up grinning Cheshire-like, and says, “Sssthhhhssthhh!” Clearly, he’s not holding a grudge.
Michael starts smacking Alex’s leg. A tiny smile plays on Alex’s lips. He reaches out, and Michael wraps his fist around his big brother’s finger.
And in that moment when I see the tenderness on Alex’s face, it’s like I’m flashing forward in time. For just a moment, I see Alex with his own baby. I see the gift for love–fierce, yet so sensitive–that makes me as certain as I can be of his future vocation.
The next moment, the veil drops, and Alex is a Star Wars, superhero-obsessed seven-year-old. Who happens to have the most amazing heart I have ever met. And I will never be quite the same.
Kathleen M. Basi 
Beautifully written! Alex seems like a wonderful little boy. I’ve noticed his tender look at his siblings in many pictures.
Sometimes pastors do harm without realizing it …
Of course; they’re only human. I’ve often pondered whether I needed to have a “come to Jesus” talk with this particular priest on that subject… 😉 Mostly, I’m just so glad Alex finally thought to explain to me what he was doing, and why, so I could redirect him in an appropriate way.
Sigh. Beautiful moment. I raised 2 boys. Brings back my own memories. Thank you.
Alex gives me lots of beautiful moments.
So beautiful! It’s so hard to remember that our sensitive little ones need comfort, even when they’ve done something wrong. I love how you did that here.
This is beautiful Alex! What a great way to handle such a sensitive subject. You are right…Alex will be a good parent because he has a good example! 😉
Youngest kids are tough! They need to be to survive sibling love!
🙂 Beautiful post. Sometimes parents, neglect to show compassion to their children especially when they’ve done wrong, but I believe that is so important in teaching and enforcing positive values in our children. … Kudos on handling this situation so well. 🙂
A priest told us once that dogs and cats don’t go to heaven because they don’t have souls. Sigh.
THAT took a while to counteract.
And I learned not to ask questions like that with kids around.
Children are an endless wonder, especially as they learn how to be good.
Your interaction with Alex shows what forgiveness is. Such an important modelling for a child. He will be a great man.
I sure hope so.
Thank you for this glimpse beyond the veil. I could actually see Jesus in your admonishment, passing anger, forgiveness, love and wisdom.